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got my 13 year old a couple of pair of sunglasses that he asked for for Xmas. I just found them in his drawer and they have been intentionally brokien. Should I confront him about it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:58 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (18)
  • How do you know they where intentionally broken? I would ask him about it but don't "confront" him.
    TaraK.

    Answer by TaraK. at 3:00 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Yes. You should be given an explanation as to why he did not appreciate something that he himself had asked you for.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:00 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • How on earth can you tell by looking that something was 'intentionally' broken? Is there a note?

    I believe it is a very, very bad sign when mothers snoop through their children's belongings. It is a worse sign when they assume anything about them, based on what they can see and no additional information.

    Of course, none of that comes anywhere near the level of disrespect necessary to believe that in giving someone something it remains yours to control, comment on or evaluate. If you gave them to him, they're his, right? That means he can do ANYTHING he wants with them, right?

    In order to, as you say, 'confront' him about his sunglasses, FIRST you have to explain what you were doing in his drawers. Try phrasing that in a way that would be okay for him to use on your drawers.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:01 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Argh. Don't you hate that? Whether he broke them or some mysterious "someone else" did it, I wouldn't confront him. I'd wait until he mentions something else that he needs, wants and desires (because if he was like mine, that won't be long) and then mention it.
    blu_canary

    Answer by blu_canary at 3:03 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • If they were his and he broke them, I don't see why a confrontation is needed. Just don't buy him anymore. Are you sure that HE broke them? I have a 14 year old, so I have to ask, was there a reason you were in his dresser? If you were putting away his clothes, you do know he's old enough to do that on his own right?;) Just asking. I know that sometimes as a parent if our children are acting a certain way that gives us suspicion that they are on drugs or hiding something it is our duty as parents to search their room, but as they get older they need privacy too, and you would probably cause an even bigger argument of being in his drawer.....is it worth it?
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 3:03 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • linda's answer is the best answer
    momofone725

    Answer by momofone725 at 3:03 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I put my kid's clothes in his dresser drawer all the time. It was easier than yelling. That's also the way I found the weed. (Stupid kid---he either wanted to get caught or was high when he did it. How did he think his socks got put away? The housekeeping fairy?) And then I did search his room.

    I believe it's a very, very bad sign when mothers assume they know what was going on from a 36-word question.
    blu_canary

    Answer by blu_canary at 3:06 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I'd ask him about the glasses and find out if they were intentionally broken or not. Regardless, he isn't showing very much appreciation for what you gave him and I think I'd wait a long time before giving him anything else. He needs to learn responsibility and how to take care of his things.
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 3:41 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • They were a gift, correct? That being the case in my opinion I wouldn't care what my son's did with them. I would not be replacing them, but as a gift once its been gifted its not my concern any longer. Presents I give to family I don't check on to see if the sweaters are still together, or if coffee pots are broken. I would feel the same for a gift I gave my child.
    However if you feel strongly about this I would ask him, in a confrontational way - something like "Hey I haven't seen you in those glasses I bought you for Christmas what's the deal?" He may be more apt to talk abou them, versus ending up on the defense thinking you're snooping. I do agree children shouldn't be afforded a complete right to privacy, my children know this. I don't think its all that different from monitoring text messages or social networks for safety. You can find a lot of things you didn't know, its how I found my son was chewing tobacco.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 3:58 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Linda-you can tell something is "intentionally broken" by taking a close look at it and the way it appears. If it were impossible to tell this type of information, half the convicted killers that are in prison wouldn't be. Usually when a mother is "snooping through her childs belongings" there is a REASON for it...I hate to shock you but there are teens out there who misbehave. They can be sneaky, using drugs/alcohol, stealing, or worse...and it would be a VERY VERY bad idea NOT snoop in their rooms. If kids want "privacy", that's fine but they have to earn it, it doesn't come automatically. People with attitudes like yours are the ones who give teens the idea that they're entitled to things...that's wrong.

    As far as being able to control, comment on, and evaluate....it's STILL mom's house and it's STILL mom's rules. Mom paid good money for those sunglasses and it is disrespectful of son to think he can break something his
    purplerobin

    Answer by purplerobin at 4:51 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

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