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I think my niece is smoking pot

She is 12. I'll call her "Nina." My cousin showed me a text out other niece "Kristin" accidentally sent to her, talking about Kristin and Nina wanting to buy weed. I want to talk to my niece about it. We have always been very close, I used to babysit her and her sister all the time and it kills me to think that she might be getting into this stuff. She is usually a good girl. She helps her mom when asked and is always helping out with her little brother and sister. I am reluctant, scared even, to tell my sister, I love her but she is very hard on her girls and I don't think her yelling, screaming and possibly hitting my niece will accomplish anything. It hasn't so far. I thought about talking to my niece first, so she knows I know and that this is NOT ok. She spends alot of time at our house and I thought if SO and I talk to her first, she will heed our warnings. Then if she does it again, I will tell her mom. Thoughts?


Asked by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • maybe she is doing it to deal with your sis' parenting style.... yelling, screaming hitting= not healthy (on ur way to abuse... sometimes) i think you need to ask her. i am all for MJ, legalization, etc. but 12 is way way too young to partake ... i am taking a masters course on brain development in the middle school years, (side note - their frontal lobes grow a ton, which makes them impusive, make bad choices, etc. ) and if a kid takes substances and over abuses those seratonin receptors bad things can happen - lots of depression and mental diseases (like otc, etc) she could hurt her brain.. because the way it grows during that period. and IF she confides in you --- DO NOT tell her mom.... she will never trust you again and it sounds like she really needs you! you need to parent it yourself -if she is even smoking... and tell her that she will be banned from YOUR house if she does it again... idk good luck!

    Answer by AmaliaD at 6:36 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I have a sister who is VERY hard on her daughter and I guess I can relate a bit in this situation.. but.. sometimes I can be too understanding and in this situation, I would rather have tough love to stop this than reassuring her that you won't tell on her and that will make her just be sneakier.. I am sad you have to deal with this ::)

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:46 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • This is a hard one... BUT I have to say. Tell your sister. It is her resposability not yours. Make sure you say your not 100% sure she is doing it.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:48 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Thanks maxsmom, the anon answer above is exactly the reason I don't want to tell my sister. I DON'T want my niece to get beat over something that for all I know was her experimenting. I am torn about this because I don't want her to think she can get away with stuff around me, but I do want to talk to her in a way that she understands my disappointment and hopefully she won't do it again.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:49 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I think you are right on with wanting to talk to her first. Sounds like she might respect you a bunch more than her abusive(?) mother. I would just think long and hard about what you are going to say.

    Answer by McErin48 at 5:51 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • WOULD YOU WANT YOUR SISTER TO TELL you if it was your kid? will it damage your relationship with your sister if she does find out that you knew? will your niece really take your advice? tough one.

    Answer by nonni2 at 6:01 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I did consider the situation if I was in my sister's shoes, but I know I would handle it differently. I try to have an open conversation with my son when it comes to this sort of thing. My other niece, my sister's oldest, has told me after we have a conversation about serious things, that her mom never talks to her about stuff like that. So it's not like my sister talks to her girls about making the right decisions, she doesn't talk to them about that stuff at all. Thank you ladies, your answers are really helping me to think this through

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:07 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I say talk to her first and see if she is doing this first. If she is a great kid like you say then she might just be stresses to do something that is not cool.

    Answer by karing4elmas at 6:29 PM on Jan. 25, 2011