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My 12 year old daughter is frustrated.

Being 12 and the middle child is never easy. I remember when I was that age. It seemed that every time me and my little sister got into it - I always got blamed ("your older and you know better" my mother would say over and over). There are two younger sibs under my tween and she's forever getting caught-up in their mess. If they fight she tries to break them up, but it usually ends with her getting in trouble by myself or her father. What can she do? She's our peace-keeper of the family, but her job just keeps getting harder the more she tries to stay under the radar.

 
carmen4826

Asked by carmen4826 at 6:58 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 5 (76 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (2)
  • Someone has to confirm for this child that she is not a parent, and it is inappropriate for her to step into the position of a parent. First and foremost, that confirmation needs to come in not having time to act as a parent before a real parent does so.

    It is not this person's fault that she has 2 younger siblings, and it is not her responsibility to take care of them in any way at all, ever --it's why they have parents.

    No 12yo should be the peace-keeper in a family, and if the position falls to her by default or irresponsibility on the part of the parents whose job it really is (or to hire someone who is capable of being a parent in their place), how she accomplishes it should not be evaluated by anyone but herself.... meaning: she should not get in trouble for botching a job that should not be hers to begin with.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 7:07 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • YOU need to tell her that she is NOT the parent and does not need to intervene. When her sibs are doing something wrong, she needs to walk away and tell a PARENT. She has too much responsibility as the family peacekeeper and she should not be doing a job she isn't capable of accomplishing. Instead of punishing her when she messes up the job, YOU be the PARENT and take care of the younger sibs and let her be a kid herself.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:15 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

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