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CIO or listen to SO?

My baby is four months old and if shes just crying because shes lonely I'll pick her up. It's not her fault she feels bad and she so young, of course shes gonna get lonley. My SO get so mad becuz I've held her alot since she's been born. And only recently I been getting better at letting her sit by herself. But when shes crying and we're not doing anything I have no problem making my baby happy! I dont understand how he can just sit and watch tv (do nothing) and shes screaming next to him. One day i was gonna clean the whole house majorly. So I told him he would watch her all day. (I would stillbe around) But his idea of watching her is just letting her sit there. If I wasnt here he would just feed her and maybe remember to change her diaper. I'm trying to tell him how to be a parent, becuz I'm more experienced then him. But he will just let her cry and not care. And when I disagree he gets so mad at me and telling me I'm wrong and should just let her cry even when we're not doing ANYTHING. Idk what to do. He doesnt know anything about babies except what I have told him, and I feel so bad that he's getting mad becuz i want my baby to be happy... any advice

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Asked by Glouii at 7:23 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 6 (120 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You can't spoil a baby. She needs you to hold and comfort her to make her feel secure and loved. Would your SO read a book about early childhood development? I would be so frustrated with him.

    Answer by Scuba at 7:26 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Get a couple of books and have him read them or read them together. Go to a good book store (or the library) and look through some that you like and then bring them home

    Answer by elizabr at 7:27 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I wish!... He hasnt read any books we were given. And he wont read any now. I just dont think it interests him at all, I think hes just yelling at me becuz he doesnt want to hold her ever and doesnt want to look bad. :( Idk what to do..

    Comment by Glouii (original poster) at 7:32 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • yeah that baby needs to be held, you don't leave a baby alone and let it cry all day. That kid is gonna have severe emotional issues if he keeps that up. He sounds quite neglectful (no offense) Keep doing what you're doing and when he gets upset tell him that the baby needs at least ONE parent to care for and nurture him/her.

    Answer by gottalovemal at 7:37 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • How is your relationship with him? Sounds like he doesn't want to BE a dad.

    Answer by gottalovemal at 7:38 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • You cannot hold them too much. My XH tried that crap with me and I told him that I would hold her whenever I wanted and if he didn't like it, he could leave.

    Babies don't know any better and they don't get spoiled by love. Hold her as much as you want. you will know when it's time to let her self-soothe and 4 months is not time yet.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 7:39 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Thank you so much. We were only 18 when we had her so I know he wasnt ready, But I know my baby and I guess I needed to hear from someone else that I'm doing the right thing. Thank you guys so much

    Comment by Glouii (original poster) at 7:48 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • You are absolutely right to hold your baby. You can't do it too much. In some cultures, a baby is so sacred it doesn't touch the ground for the first 6 months of its life, but is held continually. And only in "developed" countries does a baby even have its own separate bed.

    If your husband can't be counted on to care for your baby, maybe you need to sign him up for a parenting class. And put your TV in storage. As for cleaning your house, etc. have you every considered baby wearing? You can look up the MamaToto project and get all kinds of ideas for types of slings and wraps and holds. I used to wear my girl on my back when I would clean the house, and it was so much easier than dropping everything to pick her up every couple of minutes. She might be squirmy at first, since she's not used to it, but it will grow on both of you.
    Good luck!

    Answer by MariAnKenobi at 8:25 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Yes, you are doing the right thing! A baby needs love, affection & comfort. The sad thing about baby's crying is, you never know what they are feeling or experiencing, so our job as a parent is just to BE THERE & comfort them!

    While we can't MAKE dad's understand or WANT to hold & comfort a child, we can try to explain to them why we shouldn't just let them sit there and cry alone. Being a little fussy is one thing, but when they're in a "full cry" mode, they should be picked up and held & loved on. Best wishes. Babies are only little for a short time, so enjoy all of the many stages while you can. You can never go back & "re-parent". Once it's over it's gone forever!

    Answer by etexmom at 8:35 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • My dh's cousin was like that. Our first family function my ds began to cry and I immediately picked him. His cousin went on and on as to why it's good to "let them cry" I just looked at him for a second and then began cooing and snuggling with my ds. Comforting my child is instinct, you are doing the right thing. Like someone else said, you can't spoil a baby! They need lots of love and snuggles, they won't be little long. I don't think I would leave the baby in your so's care until the baby can talk lol.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 5:30 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

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