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2 Bumps

I can't show my true self to anyone?

I grew up in a home where it was not okay to cry, laugh, or even smile. When I would my father would tell me how ugly I was and that would pretty much end whatever expression I was showing. I grew up ashamed of myself, I grew a gap in my teeth at an early age and by the age of 10 I'd taught myself to speak while barely opening my mouth. I dressed as a tomb boy and befriended only the people who befriended me. Sometime between 18 and 20 I became a little more feminine, and began to appeal more to guys, even ones I'd known for years. I'm now engaged to be married but my fiance makes jokes constantly that I'm a square. He always says he's just joking, but I just kind of shrug it off but deep down I know its true. I'm somewhat emotionless; I don't cry, I don't get mad, I don't really let things affect me. I won't dance, I won't sing, or anything . But the fact is I love dancing, I have a strong passion for music and many other things, but the only person who knows is my mother- I just can't seem to let lose around people. I don't know what to do I don't want to live the rest of my life this way, no one knowing the real me.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You should always be able to open up to your fiancee or DH. I can show mine everything that is in me without fear of being made fun of.

    That's a sign of a person who truly loves you.

    I would tell him that his 'just joking' really affects you more than he knows. He will not know until you tell him. People aren't mind readers.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 7:44 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I am sorry to hear that. Sorry you had to go thru that you whole child hood. I am sure that it isnt easy for you now to just let loese and go out and dace or show emotions. Did you talk to you fiancee about whats going on so he understand you completely?
    Just think that you are beautiful and you dont have to be afraid anymore. Dance at home and get comfortable with it, sing along with teh radio and get comfortable with it. IF you cant do it by yourself maybe you need some counseling.

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 7:46 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Put on some music and let yourself go! Rejoice in the things you love. Tell your fiance all the things you love and what makes you who you are. Do not let him put you down. That is the same thing your dad did. Reconsider being with him if he does this all the time. Read some good books about being self actualized. Don't get married until you find your real self and live to your potential. You deserve it and are a beautiful person. hug

    Answer by elizabr at 7:46 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I didn't grow up in the lifestyle you did and I am sorry for you, but I will say I had that problem for years up til my mid 20's. I just started letting myself go and having fun with it and so did others :) Just let loose and let it shine!!!!!!! :)

    Answer by AmI88 at 7:47 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I'm sorry to hear about your upbringing and I hope that you can get comfortable with yourself to let your guard down. I struggle with low self-esteem and I'm a square too, but we have to start believing that we are special just like everyone else. Why should we continue to suffer because of what happened to us in the past? Just let it go because deep down inside you know that you're worth it, now time to show the world that you've got talent.

    Answer by browneyes27 at 7:48 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I think it will take some time & some counseling to overcome the things your father did & said to you. How awful for you to hear such ugly words spoken by the man who is supposed to love you, guide & protect you. I think individual as well as couples counseling is necessary before you take a step down the isle. Only then can you truly feel free to dance 1st w/ your husband & then cut lose w/ the bridesmaids at your wedding, like you were always meant to do! Good luck- *Hugs*

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:51 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Don't be afraid to be yourself (I know your childhood can be hard to overcome sometimes). Try opening up to him. It may be scarey but you need to show him the real you. Ask your partner to be patient with you and help you with this. You can start small and just divulge little things or little traits come through. I know it can be scarey if you were taught all your life to be closed off. If you still have problems or cannot find it in yourself to do this by yourself try going to a counsalor. they could be a big help. Good luck. You sound like a fun person with lots of emotions but you are just very walled off. No fear. Good luck hun

    Answer by MamaWolf1981 at 7:52 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • This is a very sad way to be. I completely understand how you are feeling, and these feelings are not something that can just be cured or healed. This is something that you will constantly be working on and with. I suggest counseling, for me, I chose Hypnotherapy. Again, it's an ongoing process. What you must remember though, is you are truly missing out on YOUR life. Your father's words are playing over and over in your head and are in fact blocking the positive in your life... trust me, I've been there. You need to find something for you. I can tell you these feelings get better with age, but they are still there. If it helps you to write, start a Journal or a Blog, somewhere you can write your feelings without fear of anyone seeing them. If you enjoy dancing and singing, by all means, get out there and do it. This might just be your outlet. But I think counseling will help get out your feelings.

    Answer by m-avi at 7:54 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Life is too short to not be true to who you are. I used to always dance and be "goofy" . My dd has always seen it but when I met my dh I became alittle more reserved, thinking he may not like it. I would never dance in front of him or his family for fear that I would look silly. But then five years ago his sister died of cancer and he was diagnosed with a disease that may put him in a wheelchair. It was then that I thought "life is too short". Dance, be silly, and who cares! Funny thing is he loves that side of me. Just be who you are because we are only here for a certain period of time and you need to make the most of it! What is that saying "Life is not a dress rehearsal"

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:02 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Counselling, counselling, counselling. Seek it out for yourself. You are going to need GUIDED direction to tear down all the walls you have build over the years. You will encounter problems and strong emotion in the process and you will need a safe place to express it. Please, seek counselling for yourself. You will find yourself again and you will be happier for it.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 8:09 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

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