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How do I make a point of telling my son's grandmother (on father's side) to butt out!?

She insists on practically raising my son...she assumes I know nothing bc this is my first child and she has had 9 children. She is in her late 60's and from what I've heard, she does this to all her grandchildren bc she's trying to make up for her lack of bonding with her own children. I understand she wants to know her grandson, but she critiques everything I do, and pretty much insinuates that she knows BETTER bc of her 9 natural, perfect births! I'm about to lose it with this woman! I used to ask her to watch my son for an hr or so, so she didn't feel "left out." But, I really, really don't want to leave him with her. She's senile and she's just not careful with him. Everyone says, "Just do it...it'll make HER day better." What??? I didn't have my son FOR her!

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joli13

Asked by joli13 at 7:50 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (138 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I can relate as a mom but also can see it as a grandmother too. With my dd I want to be involved with her kids, and I do give her advice, and spoil them when they come over. I try not to be overly involved but she does ask me to help (she needs help alot financially, babsitting etc) so we have an understanding while I am helping I do have a say so. So you have to give some grandma benefits to her, shes a grandma.
    On the other hand, you need to be candid. Older people really arent dumb. In fact they are wiser and have more life experience. You need to sit her down and explain how she feels and set some boundaries with her. Dont feel bad about it. Just stay calm, make the points you want. Hug her or thank her and leave.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:53 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • not how she feels, how you feel sorry typo.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:54 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I would just smile & say, "Thanks for the advice" and then just do whatever you feel is right for your son. I'm sure she means well. If you fear she is not up to the task of taking care of a little one on her own, then invite her over for dinner & to spend time w/ him. I know it's easier said than done when she's grating on your last nerve, but a child can never have too much love in his/her life! She wont always be there, and someday you may miss her words of motherly advice & wisdom. Try to have a little more patience. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:56 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Senile? If that is really true the baby should not be left in her care. Visit, but do not leave her alone with the baby.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:57 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I agree with gemgem. Be honest, but try to be somewhat sensitive in how you talk to her...especially if she is actually senile.

    Remember someday you will be the mother in law.....and your daughter in law may not think you're perfect, and treat her the way you would like to be treated when that time comes.

    I have a mother in law who never bothered with my kids at all.....my boys are 19, 21 & 28...I'm not a grandmother yet, but I'm hoping that I will not be intrusive, but be involved the right amount....not give unsolicited advice, but be there to share my experience when needed. It's such a fine line, and I hope to be a good mother in law, and that my daughter in laws will be patient with me as I learn my place in their lives......

    You have every right to be frustrated, and so many of us as young wives have gone through similar experiences....
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:00 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Yeah if she is senile and not careful with him I would not be leaving my child alone with her, even if it would make her day better. If something happens Im sure she would feel just awful and so would you. Take him to visit but dont leave him there.
    mbc324

    Answer by mbc324 at 8:08 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

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