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3 Bumps

Is your husband/SO incapable of spending quality time with you?

My SO and I have been together for 2 years, almost 3. He can not spend quality time with me. By this I mean we never have adult conversations, if i don't volunteer information about my day/life he doesn't ask or care to know. When I do tell him he rarely responds, just sits there in awkward silence till I get annoyed and move on to something else. If I want to watch tv with him I have to watch what entertains him. If I put on a tv show he won't just indulge me for 30 minutes and watch it, he falls asleep, plays with his cell phone, or gets on the computer. We don't do family dinners regularly because he works afternoons, so he's gone 3pm-midnight. On his days off its pulling teeth to get him to do any family activity. I feel like its me and my son living one life, he lives his, and it just so happens we live in the same house. We're expecting our first child, (my son is from a previous relationship) and most of this behavior is relatively new. He never takes me out to dinner anymore, there's no more random flowers, the only time i hear "love you" is when i bitch about him not saying it. I've straight up asked him if he's not happy and wanting to leave, he swears up and down he has no idea what i'm talking about and loves me more then anything. He's not abusive in any way, he's just not interested in anything I say or do. I swear I could walk into a room naked and he'd rather stare at the solitaire on his phone... oh wait, that actually happened yesterday. Am I letting my hormones take over by feeling like I'm not wanted, or would you feel not wanted too. Anyone ever been through this with their SO and know where I should go next/what to do?

 
ba13ygrl1987

Asked by ba13ygrl1987 at 8:39 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,805 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Unless he's incarcerated or dead, he's CAPABLE of spending quality time with you and he SHOULD! Look into marriage counseling. In the mean time, try asking him questions about his day, his past, even daydream together. Like, what would we do if we won the lottery? What was the best part of your day? What's your best summer memory as a kid? Open ended questions, though, not just yes/no questions.
    Good luck!
    EwansMommy

    Answer by EwansMommy at 9:24 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • ~*Nope*~... I need time away
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 8:40 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I would not be happy either. Kinda sounds like someone is in a rut. Maybe talk about if possible try and figure out what got him there. Wasn't an overnight doing won't be and overnight fix....
    AmI88

    Answer by AmI88 at 8:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I should add I get people needing their own time/personal space. Its just he gets this every day he works, before he goes into work. I'm up taking my son to school and running errands, so most of the time he's home alone from about 9am when he wakes up till about 1pm when I get home, and he leaves at 2pm for work. After work I'm already in bed and he typically doesn't come to join till about 2am. So its hard for me to except him needing "personal space" on his days off because he gets it every day for several hours. 5/7 days of the week I only see him for 1-2 hours awake and sleep next to him in bed. Its just so frustrating lately. Maybe its just hormones...
    ba13ygrl1987

    Comment by ba13ygrl1987 (original poster) at 8:45 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • this is my life! I want to leave sick of this crap.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I'm getting to the same point! We have a baby on the way, I'm not willing to just throw in the towel over 1 issue, but I'm sooo tired of being alone in a relationship. If I wanted to sit alone all night every night I'd be single... I just don't know what to do, "talking" in my life means I talk and he sits there, then he tries to make out with me and if I push him away he gets pissed and leaves... I've tried sitting down and saying I'm not going to say a word, tell me what's wrong/good/bothering you/funny... just tell me something, just talk... and he ALWAYS responds with "what do you want me to say" ugh! I just don't know anymore...
    ba13ygrl1987

    Comment by ba13ygrl1987 (original poster) at 9:06 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I don't know that I could live like that honestly. He sounds like a roommate, not an SO/DH. Sure everyone needs a little alone time, but it sounds like it's all about HIM, his needs, his interests - and the only way you can be part of it is if you are doing the same thing he has chosen. Can you talk to him, explain how things are and how they are affecting you? I don't think this is hormones, I'm sorry.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 11:24 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • its not hormones honey.. i dont know what it is about men..let me ask this how is his parents relationship??? i chalk it up to my husbands parents living seperate lives and he doesnt see anything wrong with it. i dotn know what to say because i wish someone would explaint his to my husband.. being in the same room on your phone is NOT quality time.. and us living in the same house is NOT a relationship.. i feel more like roommates.. GL let me know if you figure it out
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 1:13 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Sorry to hear about that. =[ My Husband works long hours, so every minute He is off, He is with me and Our Son - spending quality time with Us, Together and seperate. He is a total Family Man..and an amazing Husband and Daddie. I wish everyone had a guy like mine.
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 2:16 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

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