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2 Bumps

Embarrassed

i need help. i dont know what to do. my husband is turning into verbally abusive and i cry a lot more than i am happy. and my friend just showed me a great point.. dont do this again you have already been through it once with your ex and now him.. im so ashamed to be going through the same thing.. i jsut want to be happy and it doesnt seem to be working. i dont want to be 22 with 2 children and divorced twice.. im scared

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:59 AM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • You can have all of us tell you to leave him, you can have all of us tell you it's okay and you have nothing to be ashamed about. BUT you're going to believe what you are programmed to believe. You know if the situation can be fixed or not, if you can talk to him like you are both adults, and if the relationship is worth the effort to fix. A marriage is hard work, it's not a cake walk and you can't throw up your hands and walk away at every little problem. You will have your ups and downs...Any type of abuse is NEVER okay... but make sure you aren't doing it too (there are always two sides to a story and at least 4 different perspectives on the same situation) Sorry wanted to add that hun, you aren't alone in whatever situation you choose, you'll always have people to back you and your decisions.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 9:47 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Sweetie, it sounds like you know what you have to do. If your DH is verbally abusive, you don't deserve that nor do your children. There is no shame in saying I made a mistake and then fixing it. I know it's scary, but living with someone like that has to be scarier. Much luck to you.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 3:05 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • you can choose to look at it like, "i am 22, divorced twice, with two kids... i am a loser and everyone knows it..." or, "i am 22, i have made mistakes and corrected them, i am brave, i am strong, i am a good mother..."
    it was difficult for me to admit that being with my dd's father was a huge mistake and waste of years of my life... and i was embarrassed too. i felt like, "i am a statistic. i am a young single mother with a lame job and a drug addict for a baby daddy..." but two years later, i know that, "i did what was best for my kid and myself. i made a hard decision, and it was the best one."
    no kids deserve to grow up watching their mother be abused in any way. don't let what some ignorant person thinks or doesn't think affect what you do for yourself and your babies.
    shilohsmama425

    Answer by shilohsmama425 at 7:17 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I agree you and your kids deserve to be happy. Don't let the abuse linger on if possible use the same method to escape this marriage as you did the first one. Good luck honey and don't be embarrassed some of us make mistakes again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • You're in an abusive relationship, so you need to leave for yourself and your children. No man deserves to see your tears, but the one who does will never make you cry. Things will get better for you. Good Luck.
    virgo550

    Answer by virgo550 at 6:58 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Agree wholeheartedly with shilosmama425. I went through it too and felt the very SAME way. But people told me to not see it as a giant failure but a learning experience. And it was. I am a good mom, I know this. I am a good person, and I am happier without him around us all the time. I believe he and our son have a better relationship now because they don't see each other daily and they can have more of a meaningful experience when they are together. My son doesn't endure the constant yelling, berating, name-calling and physical stuff that was dealt to him by his father anymore. So I'm glad I divorced him for so many reasons. I feel like I can be myself again and I go to sleep at night happier and come home to a house where I'm not walking on egg shells from the second I walk in the door. It's a GOOD feeling. Know you are doing this for you and your kids. And just look for different qualities in men moving forward.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 7:57 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Leave. Its only going to escalate. If you are only 22 and on your second marriage, I don't think its a stretch to say you tend to get sucked in quickly and manipulated easily. Abusers are never abusers from the first day, they don't show it until they have you hooked. If for nothing else, get out for your kids. Who cares if you will be 22 divorced twice with two kids? How is that worse than your kids living with an abusive man as their role model?
    doodlepossum

    Answer by doodlepossum at 8:49 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • You said he is turning verbally abusive, which leads me to the conclusion that he wasn't like that before. SO what is going on that he's turning into an idiot? It sounds to me like you may be going through some sort of depression (I cry more than I'm happy). First thing, you need to find something that empowers you, you have to find your own self worth. A husband or not you should never let another human bring your feelings down. How old are your little ones? Is he turning verbally abusive on them? I don't know the situation and it's hard to just tell you to leave him, life doesn't work like that, although sometimes we wish it did. How old is your husband (yes it matters because if he's young he doesn't have a clue, and if he's older he should know better) This is all my opinion... Do you love him? Do you want to make it work, or do you want to walk away... You are the only one that knows what you feel inside.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 9:37 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • So what if your 22 divorced with 2 kids? So what? Many women have walked away from abusive relatilonships with more baggage than you and they have survived! What good is it to be married with 2 children seeing the abuse? What good is it to be in a marriage where the majority of the time you're feeling hurt and unworthy? Pick yourself up for the sake of your sanity and your kids and get focused on what's best for you and stop worrying about being divorced at 22 with 2 kids. I would rather be divorced and happy living life than in an abusive marriage without hope!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:21 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

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