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2 Bumps

What would you do?

I come from a dysfunctional family and I don't know if I really want to talk to them anymore. As I said in other posts, I moved away from my hometown and I am trying to start over with my life and I'm not sure if I want to deal with my family anymore. My mom was unfit, but I have forgiven her because she is doing a lot better and she is really trying hard to be a better person, but I haven't been too close to most of my family anyway. I've always had issues with my big sister because she would put friends, aunts, and cousins above me and my other siblings. The only reason why we talk now is because I told her that I was moving and that's why she has made an effort for the past several months, otherwise she wouldn't be thinking about me.

She used to visit our aunt and cousins who lived on the same street as I did and she never came to my house to visit me or my daughter. I have cousins who are drama queens and are always into something negative and I've been talked about by family members. I'm no saint. I've gossiped like everyone else, but I don't want to do that anymore because I want to be a better person than what I used to be. I was lied on by some family members that I no longer hung around and they said that I was saying things about them when I wasn't. Two of my cousins that I was close with were talking about me to my sister for no reason and I didn't do anything to them. I feel like I just don't want to deal with family anymore. I'm going on a juorney of change and self-discovery and I think I might have to ex out some people in my life.

 
browneyes27

Asked by browneyes27 at 9:46 AM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,928 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I agree , limit what you let them know and see what they have to talk about..... the gosip is what gets people going, I am not going to lie I have had my share... and listen too and told gossip and talked...... we are all guilty, if they are as bad as they sound.... cut them loose and see them on the holidays or send cards for a while, sometimes you just need to find your self.
    NothinShockin

    Answer by NothinShockin at 11:43 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I think accepting family as they are is a must, unless of course they become toxic and harmful to you, even dysfunctional ones, we must realize that none of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes, including ourselves. I was taught that family is first and foremost and there is a lot of comfort in being close or at least trying to be with them. If you were never taught to feel this way about your family, it is hard to want them close or part of your life, but someday before you realize, you will wish that you at least made an effort to have them around.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:50 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Well done.
    You need to take some fresh air, keep your distance for some time and see things objectively.
    Nobody is perfect, and a functional, totally loving & caring family is a myth.
    I've never met a family or person without buggage and skeletons in their closet.

    Find yourself, who you are. Build your life, pursue your dreams and what makes you happy.
    Once you find your own life meaning, you'll be ready to go back and help them heal.

    Stay away from gossip, it's a waste of time.
    Don't believe what people say. It's actions that count.

    Take care !!!!!!!!!!!
    lillyblue111

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 10:45 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • My family is kinda the same way, my dad and stepmom dont accept me as i am and my sister is a very selfish person, always thinking about herself and her friends more than me but still expects me to do anything for her if she asks. I still speak to my family because i love them and yes, it may have its ups and downs, but thats my family. Id say try to talk to them about it or at least just get along with them and ignore the drama. Good luck girl!
    KayleesMommy89

    Answer by KayleesMommy89 at 9:55 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I would suggest that you be friendly with them when you have to be, but don't share anything with them that could be twisted or used against you. And if they still insist on making up things, I might just break off the contact, but I would be sure to tell them why so there was no misunderstanding about that. There are some people in this world that you simply cannot be friends with, and sometimes that includes members of your own family. The reason for that is that it takes two people who are willing to be honest and who want to work at friendship. It might help you to read a book that has been very helpful to me. It's BOUNDARIES by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:55 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I come from a very dysfunctional family as well but at the end of the day, they are my family and I know they would do anything for me. My sister is is ten years older than me and grew up with me and my brother but when she turned 18, she moved away. She is now 34 years old and our relationship suffers a lot. She blames my parents for every situation that ever happened, hates the small town we're all from...she really became bitter and resentful. Anyway, my point is she's still my sister and I love her and I understand she couldn't handle us or whatever but it was no reason to completely turn her back on us. I just hope your situation doesn't turn into something like this. Your family may not understand your reasoning for the distance. We certainly don't understand with my sister.
    fricky29

    Answer by fricky29 at 10:51 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Older, I have made many efforts to be close, but there comes a time when enough is enough of the drama. Just because people are family doesn't mean that we have to put up with the nonsense, and you're right, no one is perfect, but I can't deal with negative people anymore.
    browneyes27

    Comment by browneyes27 (original poster) at 10:36 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Fricky29, my sister is the same way, bitter and angry. She has a hard time letting go of things and she complains too much. I'm guilty of it too, but I acknowledged it and I'm working towards eliminating it because it just drags me down anyway. I love my family, but most of them are toxic and I can't deal with that anymore. When I was down and out, going through some really hard times, no one reached out or even cared enough to see if I was okay anyway, but when I was moving out of town I suddenly became a rock star. I hold no resentment and I want them to be happy, but most of them don't have anything with me and they are naysayers and complainers.
    browneyes27

    Comment by browneyes27 (original poster) at 11:01 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Now that you're moving, do they suddenly remember you're a family member and are starting to appreciate you or is it more like they want to help you move so they can score free stuff you don't need while moving? I have both in my family. The freebie wanters are an aunt and uncle but I only see them on holidays so I try not to let them bother me. But...if it's people starting to appreciate you, after you move you could keep in touch and still give yourself that distance.
    fricky29

    Answer by fricky29 at 11:23 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • They started to care once they realized that I was really moving out of town and I didn't have a whole lot of things for them to want. I do really need to find myself and let go of certain things in my life, and if that means family, well it has to be done. I will stop giving them personal info as well because most people in my family don't have much to talk about, and if you cut out gossip, what more can they say, right?
    browneyes27

    Comment by browneyes27 (original poster) at 3:02 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

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