Please try to be objective: Were you also to be blamed for his affair OR you love him too much and dont want to lose him?
I know cases where the affair brought the couple closer. E.g. I know women that neglected their husbands during pregnancy
or after having the first baby. I know wise, older women - widows now- that insist they were to be blamed for not making love to their spouse.
Also, I know nagging women that loved their husband / bf to death, lost them by verbally abusing them.
In many cases, the guy may go to another, not as good / loving / attractive partner, just because they don't have to fight all the time.
In all cases I know, there is justice : the guy is not as happy in his new relationship, and regrets his affair. However, very often his first woman is too hurt to take him back, or stop referring to his sinful past.
Hey girl, ask yourself : can you take it ?
at 10:39 AM on Jan. 26, 2011
i was married years back, he cheated i forgave, when i started to trust again, he cheated again-this time with multiple women
he was never going to change, did not matter what i did, who i was, how much i bent over
he was a serial cheater (and became abusive when i became strong enough to leave) he had issues that could not be "fixed"
do not think i could stay in a marriage that had cheating again
at 10:20 AM on Jan. 26, 2011
I would never take my husband back if he cheated on me. The thought of him sleeping with someone else would turn my stomach.
at 10:21 AM on Jan. 26, 2011
To me, once there is an affair the relationship is too far gone to salvage.
at 10:11 AM on Jan. 26, 2011
If he's unfaithful, not only would I not want him, I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy.
at 10:14 AM on Jan. 26, 2011
my husband never had an "affair" but he did cheat emotionally. we are still together. as much as i have devoted to him, at this point if he were to have an affair or cheat in any way again, i would not stick around. things were different back then and i fully trust him now. now that i have given him my trust back, its his job to maintain it. while i do believe couples should always try counseling first, there comes a point when it becomes too much and one of the spouses is just a doormat. nobody deserves that type of treatment.
at 10:21 AM on Jan. 26, 2011
also, affairs are much different than cheating. when i hear the word affair, i assume a long time, secret relationship involving sex with another person. i dont think of one night stands or emotional cheating. an affair is the worst type of cheating, one that cannot and should not be forgiven.
at 10:24 AM on Jan. 26, 2011
Yes you agree to be together for better or worse, but I have yet to see anyone take vows and agree to be a door mat. Better or worse means some small fighting not getting along not your man going out and giving the time and attention into a relationship with another women that he should be giving you and the relationship with you. You can try to forgive and move forward, but sometimes you have to say this is no longer for better or for worse this is you treating me like a door mat and no where in my vows did I agree to that.
at 10:34 AM on Jan. 26, 2011
I could forgive an affair but over the years I've found out that affairs aren't the only problems in the relationship. Combine it all and it's easier to see why the whole thing won't work. I think many people think it's love but sometimes it's easier to say you love a person when you're just scared to be alone and start over. There are relationship addictions and other reasons for clinging to something that just isn't going to work. If you both want to try to work it out then do it. Just keep in mind that if he finds happiness with someone else, even for a short time, he may not be willing to go back to the struggle at home to build some great marriage he no longer cares about.
at 10:38 AM on Jan. 26, 2011
Oh, give me a break. Enough with the lectures about 'for better or worse'. When the very foundation of your marriage vows is broken, it's not always fixable.
at 11:28 AM on Jan. 26, 2011