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3 Bumps

How do you end the pain without hurting anyone? (LONG POST)

I need advice. I probably need a family counselor more than anything. This has been an on going for three week , almost month of angry and resentment. Just when I let it go, it's right back in my face. So let me give you the story in short form. Three weeks ago my sister, and mother and I get into an argument. My mother and I had already resolved our issues over what was going on. So I thought. Till I get an angry comment left on my face-book in which resulted into me letting my sister know that just because you put lol behind a angry comment doesn't make it funny. So here is the next thing that happen I received and e-mail from my sister who told me just because I was angry at mom that I didn't have to take my angry out on here and she was done with me and she was done with everything peace she is out. The email went a little more on the aggressive side about what was going on between my mom and I. I called my mom had my dad put me on the speaker phone so that whom ever was in the house at the time could here my words at the time I spoke, so that the my words didn't get twisted around. I asked my mom why she would bring my sister in on our issues. I asked her didn't we learn anything from the last time this had happen with my little sister? I also told her that this is how fighting starts you tell someone I said something and they get made at me. I thought that we had everything resolved. All I ask was you to let go of the issue in front of my kids. That you was taking it to far and I told her that I would handle the issue. Then I read the email my sister wrote to me and I told her that this is what happens when we talk about one another behind each others backs. At that point my dad said enough, to leave my mother alone and he was done because my sister was done. Not long after my call my sister sent out text message saying she was done with the family, she was tried of all the drama. The next morning my mom shows up to my house in tears saying my dad had cried all night over what was going on and she had lost all but one of her grand kids over this issue. I told her I wasn't the one that started any of this. That she involved my sister and she began attack me and I feel as if I am not suppose to defend my self when it comes to issue like this. I am suppose to take it and not say a word back because it is disrespectful for me but not anyone else in the family just when I do it. My mother then stated she didn't talk to my sister, that my sister called her and ask what was going on because she just saw something. Next she told my mom she was going to send th email she sent to me and my mom begged her not to do it. Then she said a couple more things about what was going on between her and my sister. So I told her fine lets go over to her house lets put all this to rest. When we got there things seem to be going well. However then a turn all in my direction from my sister in which my mom did defend me on some issues. She asked me to leave, I told her that was not a problem and left. I haven't spoke to her since that day and I doubt I can after what she said. Anyway my mom and younger sister went to meet her at one of our local restaurants. I didn't ask how it went because I do want them to stay close and love her. I love my sister I just can't be close to her ever again. So back to my point my mom calls today we are talking about my kids and them wanting to spend some of their money in savings and I am trying to persuad them to keep saving, for their first car, college, a house, whatever they might want to have when they get older. My mom says that is a great idea that is what your sister did, but she only did that so I couldn't ground her from her car. I said well they may buy it but I can ground them from going to too if needed to be. So then my mom says I don't understand we where all good to her ,but you. I set on the other end of the phone in silence, I am being attacked yet again. I didn't say anything more to my mother but I need to go and finishing packing. Hung up the phone and cried. I never thought I treated my sister bad. We are 7 years almost 8 years apart, we had our moments when she was growing up. She would agitate, and I like be alone or off with my friends. When I was 20 she was 13, I didn't even live at home. When my sister grew up in her 20's we became closer. Guess not close enough. I have always been there for her. I have always been proud of her. I have always supported her. I just would love to be miles and miles away from all of family but what good would that do. The pain still follows. How do you let go and forgive and move on, without upsetting the rest of the family? How do you let go of the pain?

 

 

Sorry if this is hard to read it is wrote with emotion in hopes of being able to move forward and letting go.  I may have misplaced words or misspelled them so again I do apologize for how it is wrote.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • First of all, BREATHE, take some deep breaths & say to yourself " This is not the end of me, but a new beginning. This too shall pass" Then tell yourself , it is OK to defend yourself! Every human being has a right to defend theirself and if you dont, who is going to? We teach people how to treat us. If you let her get away with it then youre saying its ok and she should do it again. You dont wanna say that. Yes you need counseling & psch therapy. It helps, i swear!
    Mblessesd4x

    Answer by Mblessesd4x at 12:25 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • And i forgot to say ((((((hugs)))))))
    Mblessesd4x

    Answer by Mblessesd4x at 12:26 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I say you just send out an e-mail to them telling them exactly how their words and actions have hurt you and say that from this day on you don't want any more negativity in your life. You don't have to get into specifics or anything or try to explain yourself you just need to say that you would like yourself and child(or children) in a positive enviorment and that you would appreciate it if contact between all of you was civil and positive only. You can tell them that you like them being in your lives and leave it at that. if they send an e-mail and you skim through the first lines and they are negative erase it and move on. putting yourself through this over and over again won't hurt them but you in the long run. try to stay strong and postive because that is in ur control. them being negative or positive is not.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 12:30 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

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