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7 Bumps

having a realy hard time:-(

My husband and I are have a realy hard time getting along. I am just so sad. I have no family around I have no friends any more. We have a 16m old beautiful girl. I can't keep this up with him. So sad and lonley. I need some peace in my life. I don't know what to do anymore.

Ok so we have lots of problems and it would take forever to write about it. So here is the latest. This last Christmas his mother and brother came and stayed with us for 6 weeks. WAY to long. They both are drug addicts (pills) and have emotional problems. My husband has also had his battles with drugs. (that is a whole other story about Christmas last year) So he decided that he would take some anxiety pills to handle his mother. Well he took all of them and went crazy. So that month was a fight. He told me he doesn't even remember most of it. It took him a weeks to get it out of his system. When he did stop taking them he could not seep for a week  he would twitch and talk all night long to himself. It was the craziest thing I have ever seen. Anyways we got past that. My view of him has changed dramatically. He did almost the same thing last Christmas.(way to long of a story) So here is were the fight started yesterday. I am going to school full time. We only have one car(both our cars broke during Christmas)So one of the girls in class her boyfriend was nice and gave me and the baby a ride home. I knew he would be mad that "some man" was giving me a ride. I tried to sugar coat (lie) it by telling him that she could not give me a ride at the last minute so he gave me a ride. I am a BAD lier he knew right away that I was lying. So then it became a huge fight about how I am a lier and a cheat. (I have never cheated or even though about cheating on him.) I asked him last night if he was on something and he said he took a allergy pill.LIER This morning I found him fiddling with a shoe. I have found drugs in his shoes before. So I found some Vicodin. Asked him about them and he tried to tell me that he had no idea were they came from. then a lame story came after. Ok so that sucked. I was to go to school but just could not go. So I came home turned on the computer and his email was up. Found a adult chat that he has been using andddd

I also found a email from a year ago that he sent to some woman on craigslist. This is what it said word for word "How are you doing? I am here on business every other week and thought you were super cute. Here is a picture of me, and I hope to see you tonight". Mind you he goes through my email. Which I don't mind I have nothing to hide. I guess he forgot to delete this one. So now I am wondering who is the lier and cheat? I just don't know what to think anymore. I don't know this man that I live with.

Answer Question
 
justkier

Asked by justkier at 12:13 PM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (35 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I am in the same situation with my husband. we have a 16 month old boy. I will bump you and keep up so i can maybe get some help to.
    mommy_929

    Answer by mommy_929 at 12:14 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Im so sorry hun. Ive been there, when i was 19 and 20. It sucks. ((((hugs))))
    Mblessesd4x

    Answer by Mblessesd4x at 12:14 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I know what you can do:

    Love him. Even when he disagrees with you. Let him disagree with you. Really --do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

    Appreciate him. People LOVE being seen in their best light, and often can't find it for themselves. Tell him what you love about what he does for you, how he is with other people, how sexy he looks or how strong he is. Men are inclined to think of themselves as above flattery, but men like it just as much as anyone else.

    Outnumber the negative interactions (including poisoned facial expressions) 5 to 1 with positive interactions. When you have been fighting, or having a snit at each other, or just being silent and moody, do something you know he likes for him... offer him the opportunity to do what he enjoys (not so you can hang him later)... invite him to do something with you that you both like doing. Anything, really, even just a soft smile from across the room.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:16 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • If you are really unhappy and you think you guys need a break from each other i say do it. Of if you guys are just getting on each others nerves go out together and do some fun stuff that you used to do when u where dating. having a young baby can put stress on even the strongest of relationships. I think you guys might just need alone time together or if you feel kind of trapped try working uot or finding a fun part time job. it feels good to have something of your own when ur life has been putting baby's and hubby's needs before ur own.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 12:18 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I have to agree with Mblessesd4x, it will be so much better for the both of you if you just give in. Dont expect him to always come running back agreeing with you, thats not how it works. Everyone sacrifices, whether it be time or dignity. Try it, see how it plays out. Good Luck :)
    TeenMom525

    Answer by TeenMom525 at 12:22 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • That's the thing. I am 30 and I should not b in this situation. I waited to get married at 27 and had a baby at 29. So I would not feel like this. I don't know how I got hear but I can't take it. I don't want a divorce but all the bs is to much to live with.:'(
    justkier

    Comment by justkier (original poster) at 12:24 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • LindaClement I LOVE your answer! You could not have said it better! Also so many of us as women (especially stay at home mothers) feel lonely, left out, unappreciated, bored...etc. I have been a military wife and now live far from my family and am a stay at home mother. Life is what YOU make of it. We could all use more friends (add me on cafemom as a friend!).
    sweetiepie8540

    Answer by sweetiepie8540 at 12:24 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Linda had it right on, but I would also add that it sounds like you are feeling alone a lot of the times. And although it has nothing to do with you and your husband, Im sure it has a large effect. Are you a stay at home mom? Sounds like you need to start getting out and doing things for yourself. Start going to a play group, or the library with your little one. Once you start doing more, and doing the things like Linda said things will get better.
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 12:25 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • It might help to know more specificly what you all are having problems with? Sometimes just sitting down and calming talking about what each of you is feeling can help things. It can be difficult to get the guys to do this sometimes. Make sure you are completely honest about how you feel. Otherwise the issues will just resurface in a matter of time. If you two can't come to some sort of agreement it might be time to see a counselor or if it's too horrible, might go your separate ways. :( I hope that's not the case though, and you all can work through this. Good luck!
    CollinsMommy729

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 12:29 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I waited 10 yrs between husbands and did everything to make sure me and the current one were "right" for eachother...and even agreed to have a kid with him at 35 when my own youngest was 11. Now I'm feeling like a prisoner always biting my tounge or ignoring his behavior, our son loves us both so much I could never leave his dad but at the same time I can't stand his dad...so what I do is figure I have an 18 yr sentence..like a prisoner who makes a mistake and has to do their time well I have to do mine.
    but for you you can get out much easier then I can
    alotleft2do

    Answer by alotleft2do at 12:44 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

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