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2 Bumps

He's being bullied.

About his name. About his speech. About his inability to keep up in class. And now, the thing that scares me, about his sexuality. He's five for goodness sake! He made the mistake of trying to be himself around his 'friends' and now, today, he's home from school because he cried so hard about having to go back. He likes to be called Daphne. He likes to play with girl toys, wear girl clothes. He begged to have his ears pierced and then got ballsy and wore sparkly, pink studs one day.- He asked me to take his earrings out and not to replace them. When asked about his future occupation, he said he wants to be a mommy -a GIRL- when he grows up. So he's got four things stacked against him, none of them changeable, and he never wants to go to school again.

I need advice. Please. KIND advice.

Answer Question

Asked by nytefae at 12:17 PM on Jan. 26, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 12 (678 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I can only tell you what I would do in this situation and why. I would homeschool him, simply because I would never expect for 5 year old boys to not tease another boy for wearing pink or asking to be called Daphne, etc. They are simply too young to understand. They can be ordered by the teacher to not tease and not bully, but kids do it anyway. My daughters have been teased for minor things as well. Maybe my way is the wuss way out, IDK, but it's what I would do.
    I am really sorry for the position you're in.

    Answer by vicesix at 12:20 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Homeschool

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 12:27 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I would never expect 5yo boys to think there was something wrong with wearing pink. But then... I've raised my kids around some very diverse people, where it's good to be proud of who you are.

    Comment by nytefae (original poster) at 12:47 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • But OP, you must keep in mind that most people do raise their kids with a sense of gender identity, and many boys (and girls) also tend to strongly identify with their own genders naturally. I know a little boy who--despite his parents best efforts to keep things mostly neutral--is just all boy. He is rough and tumble, plays with nothing but trucks and dinosaurs, and is just a real dude's dude. My daughters are pretty girly, even though I am NOT and I have tried to encourage athleticism and other "neutral" pursuits. They still love pink, and tea parties, and Barbies. It's just in them and always has been.
    I'm not saying that makes it okay for kids to bully. I'm just explaining why I think that most 5 year old boys probably would have a reaction of confusion or even disgust at a boy who doesn't identify as a boy.

    Answer by vicesix at 1:03 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Take a look at this link and the book.  I saw this little boy and his mom on one of the morning TV shows.  I wonder if you got the book and had your son's teacher read it to the class it might help.  At a minimum, talk to his teacher and see how you can work together to help your son.  hug


    Answer by elizabr at 1:12 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • hugs.... you need to talk to the teacher and let her know that .... being mean is unacceptable in school. if he was in my class that would never happen - they arent allowed to even say anything mean - i will not deal with the drama that results. parents love that!

    Answer by AmaliaD at 2:28 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • At first, my answer was to homeschool. But then I thought that might not be the answer. Poor thing! Hug your son and I will bump you because surely there is someone out there that is going through this and can help you more than me!

    Answer by khedy at 3:16 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Where was his teacher when all this happened ?
    If the school becomes unberable, homeschooling is an option.
    Your child is in such a tender age. his character & personality traits are being moulded.

    I think it's too early for his hormones to reveal his sexual preferences or identity.
    He may just be going through a phase of drawing attention to himself.
    Try to talk to him, listen carefully how he feels.
    He needs your total love and support, and you sound like a gentle, loving mom.

    Another thing:
    Kids are influenced by both mom and dad.
    He wants to be mom: this means you are his ultimate role model.
    Where is his father, and what is his role ?


    Answer by lillyblue111 at 3:23 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • My heart breaks for you and your son. This would be so tough to deal with. I don't excuse the kids being mean but I do understand it, children can be so cruel and anyone that is the least bit different or stands out can be subjected to teasing and bullying. Of course that doesn't make it right but children just don't understand that different doesn't mean bad, and a lot of kids pick on someone else's differences in hopes that their own will go unnoticed. Honestly, if I were in your shoes I would seriously consider homeschooling and then socializing him with children that you know will be more accepting. If that's not an option then you will have to be a tireless advocate for your son and he will have a tough road but at least he will have a Mama who backs him up and supports him. Best wishes to you, I wish I had a better solution to offer.

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:27 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • 5 year olds really don't know what they want to be when they grow up. I wanted to be an artist when I was 5, and I couldn't draw a straight line with a ruler. Some kids want to be Superman or a fire truck when they grow up. It is YOUR JOB to guide your child. You need to tell him that he is a BOY and he cannot be a girl when he grows up. I know I'm going to get bashed beyond belief and downvoted for this, because for some reason, people can't grasp the concept that we are born one gender or another and that's the way it is.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:29 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

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