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parents divorce after 35 years, and now father cut off contact

my father left my mother after 35 years of marrige and 4 children together. did not give any notice just left and let us find out through others that he left for another woman with a very bad reputation as former prostitute. he has cut off all contact with us, ignoring even his grandchildren, very hard to deal with as he has never cheated, that we know of, seemed happy and was always a good father and grandfather and now has a new life and does not care what anyone thinks, flaunting his relationship, as is the woman who has laughed and said we need to get over it and move on. My mother is ok, she did divorce him but what we dont understand is how he can turn his back on kids and grandkids like we do matter at all to him. It is very hurtful, even to see him driving in town. We we ever get over this betrayal? what can i do to help myself feel better? I do not depend on him financially but i was always proud i had a very good father and now i dont, by his choice.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Sometimes in situations like this you need to just focus on your family and letting them know that even though they don't have him around anymore that they can still be happy. I think it's absolutely disgusting how some women use their feminine whiles to take a man away from his family just because it makes them feel good. sorry to say that he'll probably try to come crawling back when it goes sour with his whore. be prepared for that and think about how u will handle it.

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 1:29 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • ~*Hugs*~ hug ... ~*Hugs*~

    First of all, I appologize for what you are facing, but if you found out from others... how close were you? I only ask because I know a man who's ex and child walked away stating he move on with his life, and when his ex got divorced ten years later, comes back, thinking he'd be attached to a child she never let him see, and the kid blindly would say she loved this man she doesn't even know. So, when I see that you had to find out from mutual friends, and mom is alright (guessing she grieved through it and maybe before he left too)... how close are you all? Sux to be facing and I have empathy don't get me wrong... *Hugs*


    Answer by MommaClark3 at 1:31 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I know its hard but your father made a decision that best suited him. And as hard as it is to accept, by your father walking away, it was his decision. when he cut off all contact, it was his decision. Therefore, you have to contnue on with life and find peace within yourself...goodl luck.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:33 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • we were very close, i spoke with my dad everyday, about everything, it was sudden, my mom did not see it coming, no one did, it is tragic to me, it feels like someone has passed and to know that this is his choice, makes it hurt more. just dont understand, i get scared as this woman is a drug addict and my dad is not, and is embarrassing as she has helped break many relationships and families so to know people laugh at my dad for thinking he has someone special, he is in a powerful position and makes a lot of money, he has lost respect because of this, so her agenda has always been men with money, and he knows that. he just dont care, i really think he has lost his mind.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:40 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • you need to write him a letter and include a photo of you with him when you were a child... have the grandkids tell you what to write for them --- get lots of " i love you ... i miss you.. where did you go" quotes from the kids = hit him in his heart. tell him that if you see him you will not discuss your disappointment with what happened with your mom - that the grand kids just need gpa and you will keep all conversations in the present tense, he can come to your home or meet at a neutral place... tell him not to waste the time...

    Answer by AmaliaD at 2:21 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Focus on the family members that are grieving the loss of the family unit and lean on each other. You'll get through it. I went through this, my parents divorced after 33 years and 4 children also. I was 29 at the time and it was HARD because no one had ever seen it coming. My father swears he never cheated on my mother but she says she has proof he was living with his now girlfriend before they separated.

    He's the one man in my life I truly could never see doing something like that, he is always a gentleman and private that way. We always had such a good and open relationship with my parents, we are a close family. He backed off when they divorced and didn't see my sisters and I but later said it was to give us time to be with my mother because she needed us and we needed to heal. Funny thing was, my mother and her siblings weren't so nice to my sisters and I during this time. It's all worked out NOW though.

    Answer by rio_burb at 3:18 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

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