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I need help accepting my husband

Some back ground info.. I was raised thinking that a man marries you because he thinks your are thepretties and best women for him, sure he may think women are attractive but only as far as thinking that woman is beautiful. I have been learning a lot since marriage . I admit that I was very naive, I didn't know men used porn to masterbate and also figured men only masturbated while single or alone for long periods at a time. I don't fantisize about having sex with other men. I am finding it hard to accept that men fantasize about other women and materbate while doing so. I know niw that I was wrong about a lot of things. I admit that it hurts and I wish I was the only one he could be satisfied with, how can I accept my hisband for who he is and not let it affect me. It's really hard but I want to move past it. I don't want to try to fantasize about other men, I tried to get into porn and even bought some toys so I could have some alone time too. But it just wasn't for me, I only want my husband to satisfy me , and he does but some times he just wants to do his own thing " have a quick fix or whatever" I know that no matter what I do it won't change anything and guess there is no reason why it should. So how do I start to accept this to be happy

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • Is he doing it ALL THE TIME?? Because thats a bigger issue and anyone would expect you to have a problem with it. My DH went through a stage with this and I will admit it started to bother me, but then I made it very clear to him that he was to be extremely discrete about it... because for me it's out of sight out of mind. But I have to admit I do this too, so it was easier to just let it go.
    MommaHerring

    Answer by MommaHerring at 4:04 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • My personal thoughts.

    The first road to acceptance is understanding.Understanding that the reality is, he most likely is not fantasizing about other women, or a particular woman when he masturbates, and that masturbation is about far more than just sexual release (people masturbate for many reasons: stress release, to help sleep, masturbation is even good for male prostate help).The other thing that goes a long way in accepting your partners sexuality, sexual desires, sexual needs, is by fully accepting and being comfortable with your own. A person can not fully accept and be comfortable with their partner's sexuality if they are not comfortable with their own.

    You share that you had some false (for lack of a better term) ideals in regards to love and marriage. Maybe, maybe not. Love and marriage are very individual and vary from couple to couples. The key is that the 2 of you need to be on the same page about those things.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:04 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Can you talk to him?
    if so...tell him where you want to be touched he can only guess. GL
    I know how you feel I went through this myself but if you only want it to be you and your dh you will have to work at it. I feel if I even try to fantasize I am cheating but that is my thoughts I just focus on us. Remember if you are a busy mom and wife that could be one of our problems :/
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 4:20 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

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