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How do other stepmoms deal with the strain of finances?

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Asked by burwashl at 3:47 PM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Money & Work

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • in regards to.. child support? If so I just deal, we don't have the money, I never see the money so I don't really miss it. Right now he is just paying back support (b/c the women did not want child support until they figured they would not be together, and just giving cash is considered gifts)

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 3:52 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • In what way do you mean? In the sense of "She gets $1400 a month, why can't bio-mom buy the school supplies this once instead of hitting the casino?" Because in that case, my response was to take a short drive to the country, by myself, scream till I was hoarse, and then drive back home and figure out where it was coming out of the budget. :)

    I don't know if that helps, but if you elaborate, I'd be happy to try a different answer. Hang in there!

    Answer by blu_canary at 3:53 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Same as everyone else, cutting down where possible, not going out and cooking at home, coupons, saving when possible, getting public assistance, picking up extra jobs, cutting down cable or internet for a while, getting a smaller plan on cell phones.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • It deals more with the cost of food and travel expense. My husband and his ex never went to court. It works out best for him because he is a soccer coach. However he does all the driving most of the time. I can count on one hand how many times she has brought my stepson to Columbia. So we spend over 250 a month just on gas, plus pay childsupport, plus don't get to claim him on our taxes. Then she always wants us to pay for extra things. Then she always chooses to plan things on our weekends...for example his birhday party.

    I about lost it when I read the comment about driving away and screaming. I think I need to try that!!!!

    Comment by burwashl (original poster) at 3:57 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • How I wish it were that easy as to cutting down expenses! I already do nothing, and sometimes I am trying to figure out what to eat because we have no food in the house. Somehow my husband can find ways to go out and take our stepson out every Wed. night. He also has the best cell I touch of course, and I am stuck with an old phone. I have tried serval times to get him to understand that I can't make any more cuts that he needs to as well. I didn't realize how had this was going to be....

    Comment by burwashl (original poster) at 4:01 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • hang on, only 18 years of it then you both can decide together how much you want to spend.

    Answer by lillie70 at 4:09 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • My husband and I both work full time and we keep separate accounts. The child support and bills for the child's things come out of his money as does his car payment (I pay my own car payment with my money) the rest of the household bills- like house payment, electric we divide and each pay half.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • He needs to say "No" to buying extras--unless it is medical bills.
    As for not getting to claim him on your taxes, well, unless he what he pays for in child support pays for more than half of the cost it takes to support him,(which includes half her rent, half her car payment, half of the electric, food, cable, phone, gas, etc) he does not have the right to claim him as she is paying for more than half the cost to support him.
    This seems like it is more of an issue you have with your husband than it does with the bio mom and the child support your DH pays. If he has a problem with her planning thing on your weekends, or with the travel arrangement, he should go to court and get it changed. If he chooses not to, it's not the bio mother's fault, it's your DH that is at fault.
    It seem like the two of you really need to talk. Does he realize how tight the finances are due to his behavior?

    Answer by layh41407 at 4:12 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • No, men don't seem to get it if they aren't the ones handling the finances. Plus? Divorced Dad Guilt is huge. I had to point out to my husband that just because the kid said he was thirsty, we didn't have to pull right over and feed him a full restaurant meal...especially since we were only 10 minutes from home. It was hard to break him of that. He felt this overwhelming need to provide anything and everything...which I understand, but the money can only be spent once.

    My happiest day? When that last child support payment was made. That was the best champagne I've ever tasted. ;)

    Answer by blu_canary at 4:15 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Exactly what you described is why you let the court dictate the amount.
    Beyond that, you need to communicate with your DH about finances, and agree on a set budget. It doesn't matter if its a stepchild or both of yours, the spending needs to be budgeted.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 4:16 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

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