Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Worth talking to her?

Okay my 15 yr old niece who just moved in and who I will now be looking after for the forseeable future was walking in to the house and bringing her stuff in today and she had her rucksack with her, when she was opening it in her room when I was there condoms fell out of the bag. Is this worth talking to her? Because she's not my daughter but I do love her, and I just want to make sure she's okay with all that and stuff :S. What would you say? If anything? She knows that I saw them. My kids are young-ish so I've never really had proper experience with talking to kids about that kind of thing.

Answer Question

Asked by haleykarson at 1:22 PM on Nov. 14, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Hmm...maybe you could just ask if she has a boyfriend and if she does, tell her exactly what's allowed and what's not in your house. You probably shouldn't have a sex talk with her, she might get a little weirded out. Just the fact that she knows you saw the condoms will embarrass her plenty, lol xD

    Answer by caitxrawks at 1:25 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • I think communication is always best. Also, if she is sexually active, I'm glad she is using condoms!

    Answer by Avon_Calling at 1:26 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • What would you do if they fell out of your own kids bag? I would approach it the same way especially if you're going to be the one looking after her.

    Answer by Apr1l at 1:26 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • hmm, i would definitely talk to her. i would be honest and tell her you noticed whe she was unpacking that some condoms had fallen out and ask her if she's active, which it appears so. Let her know that those things will not be happening in your house and she will have rules to go by. 15 is too young to even be dating, I know we all think we r grown at 15 but now at 30 I see how young I was at 15. Be open and honest with her

    Answer by SMWOODS at 1:28 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • I would ask her, when I was that age, I was part of a group called FIRST teens helping teens and I would get bags full of condoms once a month to hand out to people in my neighborhood. Could be something like that doesn't mean she is active yet.. if she is though I would tell her I was proud of her for having condoms and that I would be there anytime she needed to talk

    Answer by Allysmom11 at 1:29 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • Absolutely! Talk to her! Maybe she's never had someone she could trust to talk about this stuff. I would approach it with great caution though, you don't want to push her away. You want to gain her trust first though. Start by hanging out with her. Do things with her that she wants to do, watch her shows with her, go to the mall with her, take her to lunch. And make sure you give her lots and lots of love, hugs and tell her constantly you love her very much!

    Answer by feesharose at 1:30 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • Talk to her. She is in your home now so what she does is YOUR business. Be happy that she's being careful but dont use it as an excuse to think she's being responsible.

    Answer by Steph319 at 2:00 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • You also owe it to your kids to talk to her b/c you dont want them finding them! Be happy it was you and not them!

    Answer by Steph319 at 2:02 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • Your neice is living in your home so that means you are responsible for her care and well being. If she was your daughter then how would you handle this? Start from there. She knows you saw them so its not like you were snooping around. Perhaps taking her out to dinner, just the two of you and then starting the conversation. Or wait until all the kids are in bed and it is just the two of you. Put on some tea and make a snack. Cozy up on the counch and start talking. Tell her you are not judging her. Explain your house rules. Ask her what she thinks and knows about sex. At 15 she knows the specifics. Ask her what she thinks about sex, relationships, and when it is right to have sex. Tell her you just want to know where she is comming from. From the beginning make sure she understands you are not asking if she is sexually active.

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:56 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • cont..Do make her a doctors appointment for a physical. Not because she may or may not be sexually active. But because now that she is in your home you take all your children to get check ups. Call the doctor ahead of time and ask them to ask her if she is sexually active during the assessment. They usually do anyways. This way she has the opportunity get medical assistance. Make sure she knows that you are open to her and that you love her - she can come to you at any time with anything.

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:59 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.