Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

After an affair can u ever really believe that u are the one he wants?

I don't know that I will ever feel secure again . I can't help but think he is fantasizing about being with others and don't even know if he is ever really with "me" when we have sex! Will I ever feel secure in our relationship again.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • It's a very tough thing to let go no matter what you do or what you say it will always remain in the back of your head

    Answer by ExtremlyUnique at 7:23 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • In my opinion and based on my experiences.

    Yes. A person who has cheated can be very much in love with their partners, and want to "be" ( in the sense of : spend their life with, live with..etc) with their partners. Cheating rarely has anything to do with love. Either lack of love for the spouse/partner, or love for the affair partner.

    If a couple has been through an affair. If a 2nd chance is to be given.The cheater must bust their asses, to prove that they love and want to be with their spouse. If they want a 2nd chance they must work for it. It doesn't happen overnight, it can take years. However, if they truly love and want to be with their spouse/partner, they will bust their asses and do whatever it takes (or their spouse needs/wants) in order to prove they want and deserve a 2nd chance with that spouse/partner.

    If you do not feel secure yet, why are you having sex with him? What are the 2 of you doing to rebuild?

    Answer by pixie_trix at 7:26 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Me and my husband went trough this, only I was the one who did the wrong. All I can say is time heals all wounds. It's meant to be that way, otherwise we would never be able to move on. And some people never do. What I did to try and put the pieces back together was to work on myself first. Then I did whatever I had to do to at least stay in my family's life. I moved out for 2 years. I did some serious soul searching. And I worked my ass off to try and get my family's trust back. It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through, and I almost didn't make it. But they were worth way more to me than my hurt pride. If your husband really loves you, he will try his best and work his ass of with the effort to try and make things right. It may take years, but it will be well worth it if you think you can do it. Good luck, and God bless you both. My prayers are with you. Hugs!

    Answer by TwilightMack at 7:27 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • in my marriage years back he cheated, i forgave and trusted again (not 100%, but close)
    he cheated again
    he was a serial cheater

    depends on what HE does after he cheated
    if he wants you to feel better about things, he needs to fix it, no matter how long it takes
    if he thinks it is taking too long for you to forgave=then he is not going to change

    good luck
    it sucks
    been there

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:27 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Honestly we'd love to believe them girl, but like you know the saying is " Once a cheater always a cheater." I was in those shoes once and really we're no longer together anymore but every once in a while he'll email, text, or even call saying that he was wrong and that he's sorry but why now?! Let me remind you he is married with 1 child and 1 on the way and why believe him?. If he did it to me most likely he'll do it to her. So what I say give ur man a grace period if you see that you really don't want to be in the relationship because of ur hubby's mistake then get out of the relationship. Remember you don't have to do something you don't want to. Hopefully my comment will help if not just disregard.

    Answer by ABRAMSMAMI at 7:30 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I suggest therapy and full disclosure.
    Good Luck

    Answer by christinato at 8:44 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • It has been two years since my so cheated on me. It has taken ALOT of time and energy to put our relationship back together. I think that it is only working now though because we both really want it to. I love him very much and he has made it very clear that he feels the same and what he did was a HUGE mistake. I never will forget what he did but I did forgive him (took a long while). I feel really good about where we are now:)

    Answer by cl1998 at 9:12 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • depends on the person and the behaviors they are showing

    Answer by kt2babies at 9:55 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • wow! i give all you women props. i honestly don't think i could ever forgive my husband if he cheated on me. if that's how he felt while he was married to me then you can stay with your mistress. i would never be able to trust him again and i know it would drive me crazy and then it would drive me to be unhappy. and all this cause he is the one who cheated not me. I'm sorry but i have that mentality if he cheated on me once and got away with it, I'm most certain he would do it again regardless if he loved her or not. men just wanna have there cake and eat it too and to that i say why even get married and make vows to someone who would never want to hurt you in that way. but i sincerely wish you the best of luck and i hope he works his ass off to make you feel secure again.


    Answer by Christieluv0614 at 10:07 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.