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How do I get the courts and my soon-to-be-ex to think about the well-being of our children first, rather than his (my ex's) rights?

My stb ex and I separated during a domestic situation in which he assaulted me and drove off with our daughter (19 mo at the time) while intoxicated. He was arrested and brought up on7 charges (incl. child endangerment) which he got off on all, except domestic a&b which he plead to and now has to undergo 6 months of probation. Now he wants unsupervised visitation and I'm supposed to be okay with giving him full reign. This man messed up, and is not even the least bit remorseful. He is using our children as pawns and he is such a charmer that the court system seems to be viewing him as a victim. I don't want to receive a phone call that he has fallen off the wagon and now I have to go identify the body of one or both of my children. I know that sounds dramatic, but I am concerned. How can I make sure that I remain the sole custodial parent and that he retains parenting time only? Is that even possible?

Answer Question
 
MyDoves

Asked by MyDoves at 8:23 PM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 3 (24 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Discuss it with a lawyer to seek all options is the best thing I can suggest. Sorry you are going through that and hope everything works out.
    Imortlmommy

    Answer by Imortlmommy at 8:25 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Documentation? Be willing to compromise IF he attends alcohol treatment, anger management and parenting classes. People change but I do NOT blame you at all for not wanting to risk your children. I would feel the same way. Do you have an attorney? What does the attorney say? When you are in court, don't get overly emotional (hard I know), speak clearly, be truthful and explain why you are not wanting unsupervised visits at this time. Document everything when he does visit...dates, times, who was there and what happened. Keep it in a safe place and give copies to the attorney.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:28 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • Yikes. Definitely keep everything documented as tyfry suggests above. I got full legal and physical custody because the judge wanted to know who made the important decisions involving school, medical,etc. and who did the most when it came to raising them. I said that's me, 99.9% and he gave me both legal & physical custody. I just agreed to contact him if it was a major medical situation so he could have his input but I have the final say. I also keep him updated on their grades,etc. We live 3,000 miles apart(he is in the military) & he comes here to see the kids.
    sarchasmicangel

    Answer by sarchasmicangel at 11:58 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • In my experience, the court system is set up to ensure the rights of the father (or non custodial parent) TBH. I mean if you look at visitation guildines, you can see it is NOT about what is best for the child and usually the custodial parent gets screwed. My only advise is provide documentation, I hope the best for you.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 11:58 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • You need to inform your lawyer of his criminal past. That way when you go to court he can have the papers (proof) that these charges were actually brought against him. This should help prove his character. If you know of anybody who knows the type of person he really is, they can be used as a character witness. This would help your case. Don't leave it out, this is very important.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:45 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

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