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How to overcome doormat syndrome?

I've always been sort of a doormat and a shy and timid person and I want to learn how to stand up for myself when people offend me. I worry that I'll never be brave and bold enough to stand up for myself like I should. I don't want to turn into a cold-hearted kind of person, but how do I get people to show respect without turning into a *itch? I've never been taught how to feel good about myself and I don't want to be scared to voice my opinion anymore. I guess I'm just afraid to rock the boat. I want to learn how to stand up for myself in public as well, so how can I do it nicely?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Jan. 26, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • Be assertive. You are a human being just like everyone else. You have rights and you need to stand up for them. You deserve to be happy in all sense of the word! So step outside your comfort zone....you don't have to be a *itch to get what you want....it doesn't make you a *itch for standing up for yourself. Start with your controlled environment like your home and don't let your hub walk all over you or your kids.....work your way out with your parents and other family members. As you practice, it will get easier and easier.
    You also need to learn to not care what others think of you! GL!
    CABlonde

    Answer by CABlonde at 3:43 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Just speak in an even tone of voice, don't lower yourself to an argument and be reasonable. If you want to avoid being a doormat, you're going to have to stop worrying about being nice and just be civil. I don't like confrontation but the older I get, the less concerned I am with rocking the boat and have become more concerned with not being walked on. You can get this accomplished in a civilized adult manner.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Jan. 26, 2011

  • I agree with anonymous. I think age comes with more of a sense of security. I don't know if your issue is with family, boyfriend or co workers, but maybe you need to reevaluate whoever is in your life that's making you feel like you're a doormat to begin with. You mentioned that you've never been taught to feel good about yourself and I think that maybe you should start there. People who feel good about themselves would never let anyone else bring them down and walk all over them. I hope this helps! Everyone deserves to be treated good!
    rpetullo

    Answer by rpetullo at 12:35 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Wonderful, wonderful book that will help you in this area. BOUNDARIES by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It is readily available and well worth the few dollars that it costs.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:58 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • rock that boat! as long as you're being calm, firm, and unoffensive without name calling or being otherwise mean, rock it! you'll feel better and with luck, that person will get the hint that you are to be respected just like you respect them.
    kittymeri

    Answer by kittymeri at 1:18 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Thank you CABlonde, I have cared far too long what others think of me and you're so right. I always felt like if I stood up for myself that conflict or violence might occur because some people like to fight for silly reasons, I know that is silly.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:55 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

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