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2 Bumps

Allowing teens to drink...

A few debatable questions here...
1. When I was a teen my parents allowed me to drink. I was however responsible about it (minus the fact that I was underage of course). I would go to a friends house (often my parents took me and gave me money KNOWING I was drinking, I was honest about it). I would stay there with my friends, and we would drink and have a good time, safely. The parents would take the keys so no one could leave. Everything was supervised. I felt supervision was important in case something were to happen (which it never did). Do you think this is a good approach to teen drinking?

2. If your teen was honest and responsible, do you feel they should be allowed to have such freedom as this?

3. Do you honestly believe you are going to stop your teen from drinking?

The last question is not meant to be rude, but often parents think they can control everything their teen does. However, this is not the case. I was honest with my parents because they were open with me. We came to agreements. I think that when a child lies to a parent, it is bc of a breakdown in communication. Part of growing up is learning how to make your own decisions and many parents do not give their children this opportunity. Of course, how a parent communicates depends on the personality of the child and the personality of the parent. Do you believe that if proper communication is achieved and your child proves themselves as a responsible person that they should be allowed to make decisions for themselves? Of course, these decisions would have to be in agreement with you.

4.How are your children going to know how to conduct themselves and make good, safe decisions when your not around if they were never given the opportunity when you are around?

I am looking forward to hearing other opinions and seeing how you might take the parenting approach. Of course we all have different views, perhaps some of will learn something from another person. :)

 
hostlerak

Asked by hostlerak at 7:19 AM on Jan. 27, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 8 (217 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • No I don't think it's a good idea to let a teen drink, wether supervised or not. Have you ever heard of alcohol posioning? A teen could die and then you're looking at criminal charges. Aside from that, it's teaching teens that it's ok to break the law and giving them a taste of alcohol nd encouraging it when the teens may have never decided to drink but now feel they have to in order to "it in". Any "parent" that decided that was appropriate in their house would not see my child in their house ever. From everything I have experienced and seen with my own eyes is that if a parent raises their child right, that child will have zero desire to go do something obviously foolish and dangerous. A child who is taught well will always know how to conduct themselves regardless of who is around.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 7:30 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • my parents let me drink too. dad always said "i would rather you drink here and be safe than out running around drinking" it did however back fire....i ended up very wild as a teen and did whatever i wanted with very little boundaries. i am choosing to not allow my children to drink as teens. what they do when they are grown and out of my house is not under my control. but while they are young i am doing my best to lead by example. as i haven't even touched a drink since about a year before my oldest was born. i am hoping that by seeing me not drink and SO not drink they will realize it is not a good thing to do. i do not a gree with teens drinking nor parents allowing it. you should not condone that kind of behavior.
    sweetestkitten

    Answer by sweetestkitten at 7:31 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • NO
    NO
    i can't say what my ds will do when i'm not around, but you can be sure we've told him of his legal responsibility to obey the laws of the land, and that the buck will stop at his feet when/if he disobeys such laws/gets caught/prosecuted, etc.
    #4 sounds like you are still a teenager, trying to convince mommy and daddy to let you stay out past your curfew. you expect your child to follow your 'wishes' (ie: obey the laws, for example) by setting examples yourself, not letting 'little things' slide, and giving them too much room to roam. not saying they need to stay locked in the house, but you have to set boundaries/limits, per their age/maturity, and stand your ground. a child knows how to handle a wishywashy parent from a much earlier age. how a child conducts himself in public is how he conducts himself at home-an attentive parent knows this. problem is, too many parents let the child parent himself.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:33 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Because of the alcoholism that runs in my family (not to mention a number of other things that are just freaking wrong with this) no, they will not be permitted to drink period.  Yes, I do believe that I can stop my children from underage drinking.  Keeping the lines of communication open does NOT mean that you have to let your kids drink.  It means that I am open and honest with them about alcohol and the effects that COULD happen should they have a drink. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 9:21 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • It is NOT that I didn't expect my teens to drink, BUT, I do not think that it is ok to say "We don't care if you break the law, go ahead and drink".
    I let them know that underage drinking is breaking the law, and that I do not approve of them breaking the law, but I would rather them be safe more than anything. I let them know that if they are some where and they do choose to drink that they need to call me no matter what the hour. I will come pick them up no questions asked.
    I did indeed get that call more than once with my older two. And while I didn't ask the questions, they usually told me what happened.

    I do agree that there are too many parents who do not let teens spread their wings a bit. It is possible to have rules and boundaries without suffocating them.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:28 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I will allow a glass of wine with dinner and the such, but no my teens will not be out doing shots.I think if you allow your teen to drink because you want to teach them how to be responsible with it starting them out on shots of tequila is not they way to teach that.

    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 10:09 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • My dh mother went by these ideas and even though there were times when she knew what dh was doing...there were plenty of other times that dh went off and did things she had no idea about. Like all teens.

    If you think allowing your kid to drink is illuminating all the possibility for "bad" behavior from your teen....that to me is naive.

    I want to teach my child that I stand for something, whether they like it or not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • My parents allowed it and I will not.
    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 8:52 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • No,by no means will my son be drinking AT ALL while under my roof.
    They are children. They do not need to be doing anything adults do until they themselves are adults.
    In a kid's mind they figure mom lets me drink,she'll let me smoke a little pot,maybe a little of something stronger. They push the boundaries.
    I think its ridiculous to figure if you don't allow them certain things that they will rebel and go nuts. My rule is you do what I tell you,like it or not,until you are 18. If you choose to move out and go nuts on your own,feel free,but while you are here,you will obey me.
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:45 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Not with my kids no.

    Honest and responsible imo would be to know it is illegal and to refrain

    Hopefully..I have taught them well enough that won't drink...I certainly won't encourage nor contrbute..I am not too keen on being caged in with steel bars..nah no contributing alcohol to minors from me.
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 12:05 PM on Jan. 27, 2011