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2 Bumps

My new husband who does not have children seems to reject my daughter

at times or says he is to busy. I call me on this and we end up in fight. He has time to pay attention to me but seems to leave her out? I am at my witts end please help me

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Jan. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • how old is your daughter?
    itzmyzoo

    Answer by itzmyzoo at 10:00 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • You shouldn't have married him. He should have known it was a package deal from the start, if he doesn't want to except that then it's time to move on..... It's not fair to you or your daughter.
    When I met my Husband I made it very clear that it was me and my 3 boys, if he couldn't handle it, then we didn't need to go any further. I would have NEVER married him if he would have had reservations... He took us all into his life, and we are a family, not "me and the kids, and then me and him.. It's ALL of us as a family.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:01 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I knew my husband was the one when he actually spent MORE time with my kids than he did with me (when they were around, of course).
    This sounds like something that should have been settled long before you married him. Being constantly pushed aside can be damaging to you daughter's self esteem and besides that, it's just mean! If your husband can't accept your daughter, then he doesn't you either.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:03 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • im on both ends of this fence, i have 2 kids (grown) and he has 2 smaller kids, no kids together. it will take time and patience for your hubby to bond with your daughter but you also have to allow it to happen naturally. you cant expect him to jump right in there with "daddy" feelings right off the bat. as long as he is good to your daughter and you then the feeling will build over time. if he's being mean or ignoring her then that is a different story. what age is your daughter? whats your hubby age also?
    lillie70

    Answer by lillie70 at 10:04 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I don't mean to be harsh, but I agree with MrsLeftlane. This is something you needed to work out before you were married. I had a 4 year old son when I met my husband. I'm afraid if he had only been interested in me, I would never have married him. He actually made friends with my son first, and my son has always said that he "picked out his own dad". He's now 28, and still feels this way.

    There were other guys that I really liked, but just couldn't be with because they didn't seem to connect with my son, but part of what made me fall in love with my husband was how great he was with my son.

    Now that you ARE married, see if you can get some family counseling to try to make this work. Good Luck.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:08 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • um not to be rude really,but shouldn't u have spotted this behavior before you married him? u and your daughter are a package deal if he cant handle that than maybe you all should look into family counseling
    jodi205

    Answer by jodi205 at 10:08 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • He's probably jealous of the attention you give to your daughter...and he's most likely not feeling the paternal affection for her that comes naturally to you. But none of that is an excuse...he needs to give your daughter love and affection too. I would just continue to love and interact with your daughter as you normally would and keep trying to include him on the things that the two of you do together.Help him to feel comfortable interacting with her and maybe (hopefully) he will learn how and feel comfortable being more involved.Give it time.He's never had kids of his own..so it may be hard...he may not know what to do or how to act and he feels left out,silly..maybe even a little stupid,lol. Good Luck...combined families arent always easy but with some work and time..it can work out and everyone can be happy :)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:09 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • did this happen before you were married? it should have been a red flag if so! You and your daughter are a package deal!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • give your husband some time, he needs time to get used to being a dad and what his role is and what you feel comfortable with him doing with your daughter. he might be scared to give you the wrong impression or something.
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 10:13 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • You didnt see how he was with her before you got married? I know love is blind but, that is one thing all single moms need to pay attention to and ask questions about before getting married. My dh knew I was a single mom and my kids came first and always would. He had to be nice to them and help me with them if he planned to be part of my life. There is no such thing as a blended family when the main person (your dh) is not interested in blending. He cannot exclude your daughter and have a healthy relationship with you. You cannot allow it, and have a healthy relationship with your child. Your child comes first. She was there first. I would tell him if he doesnt show interest he has to go. You can find someone else who WANTS to be a dad.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:19 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

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