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2 Bumps

Is this wrong of me? (updated)

Please, no bashing.

So it's been more than 2 weeks since there deadbeat dad has even tempted to ask about my kids. He has been with his girlfriend for the past 2 weeks and her SON. He hasn't emailed, called, messaged me on FB, NOTHING! He thinks he doesn't have to because he's getting them this weekend, but he's WRONG! HE'S NOT! Why would I want my kids to go with him when he can't even simply ask about my kids. He's only a weekend dad, and I don't think that's fair, especially since he can hang out and go places (like chuck e cheese) with her and her son, but WHAT ABOUT OUR KIDS?!?!?!?!?!

I might also add he has no license, no car, no job, no stable housing because his mom is about to move 4 hours away and he cannot go. and he will not give me his cell number so how am i going to even make sure my kids are okay if i have no way of contacting him? He threatened to kill me last time we talked, which I don't take seriously because he's an idiot.

Answer Question
 
knicole0708

Asked by knicole0708 at 10:23 AM on Jan. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 23 (17,012 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • If there is a court order in place detailing his visitation rights, you need to let him have them. If you don't, you can be charged with contempt and/or custodial interference. I understand your anger, but don't keep the kids from their dad because you are upset with him. Pursue any issues though the court, not through your kids.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:26 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I think it's natural to have those feelings...but those are YOUR feelings. It wouldn't be right to keep the children from their dad because of THEIR feelings. As they get older they will surely figure out what kind of a man he is for themselves. For now, you have to nurture them and support them through this transition and do your best not to taint their relationship and feelings with their father.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 10:27 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • There is NO court order! My DD asks about him and cries to talk to him, but he won't call, EVER! And when I call "he's not home"
    knicole0708

    Comment by knicole0708 (original poster) at 10:28 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I'm afraid although I agree that it's wrong, it's very common. But please don't keep him from taking the kids unless you think they're in danger. Your kids will blame you later.

    You can't control the relationship he has with his kids (believe me I know this from experience). Do your best to just focus on your own relationship with your kids, and let him develop the relationship he chooses to have with them. Yes, they will know the difference, but you can't cover for him......nor can you punish him. I went through some of this with my oldest son. He's now 28, when his dad tried to say that I kept him from his dad, or that I tried to turn him against his father, he actually told his dad...."I've lived with her all my life...I know what she did, and I know what you did. She didn't turn me against you, YOU did." He was a teenager then. He knew I'd stayed out of his relationship with his dad though.

    Good Luck.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:29 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • My daughter has a sperm donor like that. She's 12 1/2 now and though it was hard through the yrs, watching him not show up for visits, not spend any time or show any interest in her, and seeing how hurt and angry she was. She's now old enough to see him for who he is. I didn't have a court order at first, and the judge still threatened to put me in jail for not letting him see her.
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 10:39 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • The judge said I am not obligated to let there dad see them, until order has been put in. This isn't his weekend anyways, it was last weekend but he couldn't take them because "he was sick" although his girlfriend came over and he cooked dinner for her and didn't leave til' 2AM. hhmmmmmm sooooo sick.
    knicole0708

    Comment by knicole0708 (original poster) at 10:41 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • For one...he threathened to kill you.Are you sure you shouldnt take that seriously? Maybe you should consider a restraining order.From my experiences...never think a threat is just in vain.If they say it..its on thier mind.
    I would try to get a court ordered custody agreement going.
    I know it hurts to know that hes spending time with another woman and her child..Lord knows I know what that feels like.I've learned that..you can't change it..you can only make yourself sick over it if you let it.
    Put your best face on..gather up all your courage and inner strength and let your children go with thier father over the weekend.Have yourself a good time..enjoy the break.THATS IF YOU REALLY FEEL THAT THE THREAT TO KILL YOU WAS JUST HOT AIR.
    Hang in there..and best of luck to you and the kiddos.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:43 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • He's said it a million times, he's never hit me, but he does have anger issues. really bad anger issues, and needs help but he doesn't think he needs any! we, him and his family all agree he does. he's punched the wall, and some other stuff i wish not to discuss, but all-in-all HE NEEDS HELP!
    knicole0708

    Comment by knicole0708 (original poster) at 10:51 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • The focus is too much on the dead beat dad, and he knows it. He agrivates you because he loves the thrill it gives him and he loves the attention you give him by being so pissed. Show him he doesn't have control over you anymore......focus on what is best for you and your kids. Being so angry is not it. And what about your life? What is it you want to do for yourself, that has absolutely NOTHING to do with a man? Rediscover who you really are....I'm sure it's not an angry mom. You and your family are in my prayers. God bless.
    TwilightMack

    Answer by TwilightMack at 11:15 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

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