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What do you to do to put the spark back in your relationship?

DH and I have been married for 7 1/2 years (together for 13 and living together for 10 1/2) and we have a son together. We've never really been one of those couples with an active sex life. I mean, we do it, but not as much as some people, kwim? I mean, it doesn't even have to be about sex, but more wouldn't hurt either.

I've told him that I feel more like his roommate than his wife. We don't do anything together, whether it be to sit and watch TV together or whatever. I watched my parents' marriage crumble (actually I can't ever remember a time when they were actually happy) and they slept separately, and that seems to be where we are headed. He hardly ever sleeps in the bed anymore, choosing to sleep in the recliner most nights. Part of that is due to our son sleeping in our bed, and I know we need to start making him sleep in his (not that I'm against co-sleeping), but I hate going to bed alone.

I wrote him a long letter telling him how I feel. But just wondered if there were other ideas I could incorporate into putting some spark back into our relationship. Any advice would be welcome!

 
thatgirl70

Asked by thatgirl70 at 11:14 AM on Jan. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Level 27 (29,531 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • also some some music of your choice to set the mood ( take a boombox and some cds you like) also get some strawberries if you like them. Make sure u get in the room to set it all up , get the rose petals and spread them all over the bed ( leave some for the jacuzzi ) ....next set the boombox and have the cd you want ready to play in there and next to your bed....grab the champagne bottle( and opener) lol.. and set it next to your jacuzzi . Put the candles around the jacuzzi and have the lighter handy also. Then when you bring him ....dont let him know where youre taking him , put a blindfold on him and dont take it off until the jacuzzi is filled with the rose petals and a little bubble bath ( they advise u against the bubble bath but a little wont hurt) just enough to make it bubbly. open the champagne bottle and pour two glasses ... next turn the music on and get in the jacuzzi with the champagne glasses in hand....
    MsBrazil86

    Answer by MsBrazil86 at 11:50 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • we go back rosding like we did when we first met , go to dinner, just make time with each other off somewhere that is special to the two of you
    april_f

    Answer by april_f at 11:20 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • its none of my business but my word of advice to you is PUT THAT CHILD IN HIS OWN BED!! Women dont understand how important that is , i know its hard but it will be for the best. Your husband and you need that time alone in your bed , to talk , be intimate and just bond without a child in the way...it will be hard at first but put a night light in his bdr and let him cry , yes it will break your heart but you need to be strong and put your foot down , after a few nights or however long it takes he will get the point and get used to it. NOW, for your husband....find a babysitter overnight so you can plan a romantic evening for you both. Rent a hotel room with a jacuzzi , get some rose petals , champagne , bubble bath , aroma therapy candles and massage oil ( bath & body works has nice ones) . iF A HOTEL ROOM IS NOT IN YOUR BUDGET PLAN IT IN YOUR HOUSE, BUT A CHANGE OF SCENERY WILL BE GREAT FOR THE BOTH OF YOU ;).....

    MsBrazil86

    Answer by MsBrazil86 at 11:41 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • almost forgot....make sure the candles are lit and you have the strawberries nearby if u choose....then get in , have the champagne glasses in hand and tell him to take off his blindfold...and get in....he will be very surprised , tell him why you did it and have a talk with him about everything you feel.....enjoy the jacuzzi ....give him a nice massage afterwards with the massage oil and have him return the favor and whatever happens next in on you ! Hope this helps!
    MsBrazil86

    Answer by MsBrazil86 at 11:54 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • You might be surprised to learn that it was DH who started the habit of co-sleeping, LOL. I was terrified of doing it, but it wasn't so bad. He doesn't always sleep with us, but often enough. I know he's getting big enough to sleep in his own bed and I'm working on it. Always put him in his own bed, but he does find his way to ours. He has a nightlight (I just bought him a new LED light yesterday--it should last longer than the other nightlight I had for him that kept burning out). I don't know if he comes in with us just because he likes to be close to us, or if he just likes the bigger bed. In any case, we're getting him a twin bed soon, so hopefully that will help.
    thatgirl70

    Comment by thatgirl70 (original poster) at 12:55 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Anyway, good advice ladies. Boy would I love a nice soak in a jacuzzi. :)

    I think the most important thing I want is time together, time as a family, time with just the two of us. It doesn't even always have to be about romance (I do want that too of course). I told DH how I felt and he agreed that we need to spend more time together.

    Would explain more, but my eyelids are heavy. ;)
    thatgirl70

    Comment by thatgirl70 (original poster) at 12:57 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

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