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2 Bumps

what to do when your 12 year old son wants to live with his dad?

Dad and I are never married and are no longer on a relationship.

 
ShellyRo

Asked by ShellyRo at 11:24 AM on Jan. 27, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 12 (795 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • it would brake my heart but if he was a good dad then i would let him .. he's at an age which he can choose...boys will always love their fathers
    MsBrazil86

    Answer by MsBrazil86 at 11:29 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • It would be hard but if he is responsible I would have to let him, or he could end up resenting you for a long time. Some times boys need to be with their fathers. Good luck. Oh yea don't take it personaly it usually has nothing to do with who they love more.
    peace013

    Answer by peace013 at 11:29 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Is there a reason? Is there a good relationship with his dad?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 11:25 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • eeek! Thats one of my fears as my son gets closer to 12.He'll be 11 in March and several times he has said he wants to go live with his dad.Now, I know he's better off with me for several reasons I won't get into. The main thing is..I know when he hits 12..it may come up and I am trying now to prepare myself for that.
    His father would most likely get a lawyer if I didn't agree to it. And I believe its at the age of 12 where children are allowed to give more of thier opinion about who they want to live with.
    I think I would have to suck it my breath, close my eyes and then do whats right.
    I will agree to wilingly let him stya with his father on a temporary 6 month basis..during a school year too..so they get the full affect of what its really like..being a full time parent isnt all Disney Land.I'll let him handle everything that I usually handle.Its not an easy choice to make for sure.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:29 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Have you already tried arranging for child's father to have your son stay with him over school vacations and parts of the summer? If not, that is what I would try first--longer stints, so your son can get a true idea of what living with his father would be like.

    If your child's father is a good role model and they have a good relationship, I don't see why he shouldn't be allowed to have the option. Would your son still be able to attend the same or better school district? Will his father make the time to nurture and guide your son appropriately? Is his father married or have a committed partner living with him? Is his father's home life and employment otherwise stable?

    I think boys NEED strong, stable male role models in their lives in some shape or form. If you answer yes to the above, I think it would be in your son's best interest, especially if the two of you cannot be civil, or cannot otherwise make visitation work!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 11:32 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I think I would let him go, so long as conditions were safe and stable. If the father was abusive or something then Hell NO!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:02 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • If he has a good relationship with his dad and his dad is responsible you have to let him go. My son did this at 13. It broke my heart but in the long run I am glad I got to be the fun parent during the ugly teen years and his dad got to be the heavy! My son is 22 now and he told me just 2 days ago that he feels that he and I have a closer relationship than he does with his dad because I listen to him and take his feelings into consideration. That started the day I let him move in with his dad
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 11:37 AM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • That's a tough one, but I would do what was in the best interest of my son. If his dad were loving and I knew he would be in a good environment, I would let him go, as long as my sons reasons were valid. (Meaning that it's not done in haste because he's mad at me for whatever reason).
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 12:21 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Let him.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 4:23 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Wow. That would be a hard one. When my son turned 12, he asked his stepdad to adopt him.
    eeyoreplus4

    Answer by eeyoreplus4 at 11:58 AM on Jan. 27, 2011