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How do i make it easy on the kids with me and my husband getting a divorce?

I have been married almost 5 years but things are just not working out. My husband has been without a job for most the time we been married. And when he don't have a job he treats us all like crap, my last straw was when he punched my son in the back. He is not in the house with us anymore and the kids seem to be ok with that. But i have started taking steps to stop him from coming back because he is not good for us. So how do i make things less hard on the kids the are 16,9 and 3? I do let him visit with the kids as much as he like but that is only 1 time a week. I don't get any money from him so i'm doing everything alone ( with my moms help ). No i don't talk bad about him in front of the kids but they know how he is so nothing i can say that they don't already know.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Jan. 27, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • If the kids seem to be ok with the fact that dad isn't around, I don't think it would be a big deal for you to tell them that you're divorcing him. For all intensive purposes, you might as well already be.

    Answer by gumby11883 at 2:08 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I agree with PP

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 2:20 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Be honest with them (age-appropriate, and no bashing your ex), and make sure the kids understand that a divorce is an adult thing, it isn't about anything they did or didn't do. Explain how often they will see him, and that you both love them very much, you just can't be a married couple anymore. You may want to talk to your 16 yo separately (after you speak with them all together), he may have different/more mature questions that the younger ones won't necessarily understand.

    Answer by Scuba at 2:21 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I commend you for this question. It seems like you have the kids best interest at heart. I think you are far ahead of the rest. When I divorced I knew that my kids came first! So I put aside my petty feelings, forgave my ex for wrongs, let my ex have access to the kids regardless of anything else going on. (Only abuse would have stopped that) I also felt a need to care an support my ex because he was the father of my kids and what happened to him might have an impact on our kids. Plus I married him out of love and just because it didn't work out doesn't mean that he wasn't important anymore.

    Answer by bjane01 at 2:23 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • It sounds like you are doing the right things, and if life with your husband was so rough, you may find that the kids are relieved. Although I think divorce should be a last resort....sometimes it's the right answer, and it sounds like in your case it is.

    Good luck, and don't worry, your kids will be fine.

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:25 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • My 16 year old is happy he isn't here anymore (my husband is not her father). He was talking to her about crazy things like our sex life and she told me about it the other day. I didn't know what to say to her but i'm sorry. She isn't like most girls her age she like books and nothing really more then book. So she told me he scared her with the things he was saying to her, She told me that is why she started locking her bedroom door at night.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:36 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • i did try the whole counseling thing but he never wanted to go. I have also tried the lets go find a church Having God in our lives can help us be better. But he only uses that for when he wanted somethings from me.
    He isn't in my home anymore but i still buy his insulin i do care about him but i just can't live with him. I do care more then he will ever know but i will not do this anymore with him. I have to think of my kids do i want my boys to grow up like him? do i want my daughter to think a man should treat her this way? I really don't want that!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:41 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • i would have to be on homocide wtach if any man (or woman) ever spoke to my daughter about sex in that sort of way. she seems like a smart girl and if it's makin her uncomfortable then something is wrong. dont buy his damn insulin make him get a job. i would NOT let him see the oldest one again. that gave me chills.

    Answer by Mrs.L.Mita at 5:58 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • It is a lot of reasons i won't take him back but if i had known this before i would have put him out a long time ago because that is just not acceptable. He busy thinking i have another man when i don't.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:20 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

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