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Why do playdates have to be so difficult?

I'm trying to overcome a moment of overreaction here, as I've just stated about twenty minutes ago to my husband that that's it, no more playdates for our oldest son. I know, I know, way over the top, but I think it's all the little things that happen during a playdate at our house that fry my nerves. I'm always open to having playdates at our house, and I always go out of my way to make sure that my son has enough playdates and that there's usually something to do, I'm always making meals for my son's friends, taking them with us places we go, even if it means we have to take two cars to accomodate all of our kids and a friend. But I'm tired of the mess, I'm tired of trying to coach my son on how to be a better friend to his friends, I'm tired of constantly trying to either separate my middle son from the older boys or trying to incorporate him, I'm tired of making decisions about situations and having my husband give me that look that tells me I'm going to get lectured later about why he thinks the decision I made was wrong, I'm tired of trying to just ask for lower voices when my baby is sleeping, I'm tired of trying to get work done thinking that a friend over would keep my kids occupied, only to find out that it creates more to do and I'll never even get a chance to work, I'm tired of the noise.

I think I need a little break, a little space, something. Ugh. Now I have to figure out how to gracefully backpeddle and not have this start a fight with my husband, or turn into me giving my son bulletpoints on how unappreciative he is of what his parents do for him. :)

Anyone else have these issues with playdates? Share ... Oh, do share!

Answer Question
 
amybaby_19

Asked by amybaby_19 at 3:52 PM on Jan. 27, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 20 (8,829 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • We don't have them (issues) because we don't do playdates.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • We aren't a big fan of playdates, either. I am probably too strict with my daugther, but when we have other kids around I can't stand their behavior. We go to birthday parties and such and always end up leaving early because I get irritated with other peoples uncontrolled children. I just don't have the patience for it I guess!
    FatGirl239

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 3:57 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I went over to this lady's home I had talked to for a while on cafemom.
    She was weird about the fact I just did not drop my DD off and go home. But I needed to come in an meet this person and see their home, I wanted to make sure they were safe. "Hello"... I didn't know her except for the phone and internet conversations.
    Needless to say, my DD does not have that person as a friend.
    The child was OK, but the mother was weird.
    idaspida

    Answer by idaspida at 3:59 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • If I hear the word "play date" I RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 4:00 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Maybe you can just invite them over when the timing is more convienient for you? A little less frequently..and maybe better at the friends house rather than yours,lol.
    My son has his friends over and there was a time when I was the ONLY parent that would allow friends to come over..so they ALL would come over.It was CRAZINESS but at the same time, I enjoy my son wanting to stay home to play and bring his friends over..that way i know what they are doing. But it does get crazy!
    When all else fails..let them solve some of thier own problems..even if it involves knocking eachother out, lol.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:07 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I'm right there with you kimberly, I like that his friends want to come over, and it does sometimes get crazy, but I always think that this time things will go better, and occasionally we have playdates that do go well, but I always, always underestimat how busy they keep me, and I get tired of being on my son's back constantly about clean this up, clean that up, stop fighting, try being nicer, you're not being a good friend, are you, et cetera, et cetera. And don't get me started on dealing with my middle son and all the bickering and tattling!!!
    amybaby_19

    Comment by amybaby_19 (original poster) at 4:13 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I know exactly how you feel. When my daughter (7) has a friend over they leave out my younger son. I always bend over backward making sure they have fun. I usually can't wait for the kid to go home.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 4:14 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • While the noise of play dates some times got on my nerves, I never had to deal with much of the rest, except maybe when they were very little like 5 - 7.
    I always had snacks (crackers, chips, ice cream, juice, fruit, veggies and dip) that they could grab on their own when they were hungry.
    I let them deal with their problems unless it got too out of hand. I treated friends no different than I would treat my children, they helped clean up after themselves, they showed the same respect to my boys and my boys were to show to them, if I felt rules weren't followed play date is over and don't ask to come back. To be honest I too enjoyed playdates, I enjoyed having them at my house versus somewhere else. Now that my boys are teens all their friends come over, its not uncommon for me to have a house full of friends on a Fri or Sat, and walking over them all in the morning when I get up, because they crashed in the livingroom
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:24 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • I think in all the years there were only 2 boys that I can't stand at my house, and they are no longer friends with my boys.
    Now when their friends come over, its just like having extra children. They even help clean my house, wash dishes, vacuum, put laundry away...there is a benefit to having those playdates and connecting to those little ones in the long run. :)
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 4:27 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

  • Blessed, that's why we bend over backwards with having playdates, my son has some really great friends, they are so helpful, listen when we ask them to do something, we want to make sure he's keeping the good ones around. It's my son and his younger brother that drive me insane during these. I'm always trying to teach my son how to be a better friend (and I just don't get it because in every day life he's very kind and sweet) and sometimes he just doesn't get it. He's got these great friends who can be so forgiving and so full of compromise, and then my son still gets pouty or whatever. Not to mention, I'm tired of looking like the nasty old hag mom who has to constantly ride their kids to get them to clean up, behave, stop fighting, be quiet, et cetera. My kids are generally good, but when a friend comes over it seems their negatives are magnified.
    amybaby_19

    Comment by amybaby_19 (original poster) at 4:42 PM on Jan. 27, 2011

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