Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should we follow and spy on him?

My stepson is 15 and I signed him up for guitar and drum lessons about a year ago. I send the monthly payment with him to pay for the lessons. I called to leave a message for him there yesterday and they informed me that he has not been to his lesson since August!! This was a shock to both my hubby and I. My dh wants to confront him right away and get to the bottom of it. I however thought maybe we should just follow him next time and see where he is going. If it's not anything bad, maybe let it be? He has never been in much trouble before so not sure what to do. Any ideas on what you would do?

Answer Question

Asked by WishyClarkson at 5:14 PM on Nov. 14, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (305 Credits)
Answers (36)
  • i would def follow him, i think it would be your right to, especially since your paying for lessons. i wouldnt let it go though. i would just want to know my money was being used like its supposed to be. :)

    Answer by SHADYZGIRL1983 at 5:17 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • Id follow him too! Thas BS! You need to catch him red handed. Who takes him to and from these lessons anyway??? Unless its walking distance then thats on your hubby. Hopefully you have paid by check so he hasnt spent the money. If so then you better make him work for it!!!

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:20 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • I wouldnt let him know that you followed him either. I would confront him when he gets home. That way its worse. And why didnt the school call you too see why he hasnt showed up??

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:21 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • We usually take turns dropping and picking him up. When I drop him I always see him go in the door, so I am still so shocked. I paid by check once and now that I went through the past few months statements, that was never cashed. I did give him cash the last two times as I thought that would be easier, but boy was I wrong!

    Answer by WishyClarkson at 5:23 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • Oh and I did ask the music school why they never called me, and the girl hesitated and didn't say much..just something along the lines that a lot of people don't show up so they don't call everyone.

    Answer by WishyClarkson at 5:26 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • I would drop him off and park somewhere he cant see you and follow when he leaves. Then about 20min before the "lessons" are over park out front and catch him walking back! Go through his room too. When it comes to kids there is NO such thing as privacy. You need to make sure that there is nothing in there that he shouldnt have. Take it from me! I know. My parents would drop me off at church youth group of all places and my bf would pick me up and Id spend the time at his house doing "bad" things and get dropped off before my parents would come to get me!! lol I know its bad but I know what its like to be sneaky so I'll be like a hawk when it comes to my dd!

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:32 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • Make sure that he pays you back for the cash that he took and didnt use on lessons

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:33 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • Sure... if you want to ruin what ever relationship you ever had with him, by all means follow him.

    I would just ask him where he has been and if he says he's there then you need to schedule a time you can meet with the teacher and him together... And get to the bottom... He can't lie and say he was there if the teacher who knows the truth is there...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 5:38 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • No, don't follow him, in my opinion that shows that you're as bad as him, as you're being as sneaky as him. You're the adults you shouldn't have to sneak around, you should just ask him straight out what's been going on, he's in the wrong here, and in my opinion you put yourself in the wrong slightly if you follow him. He'll also lose any trust in you that he had. Good Luck with it all.

    Answer by haleykarson at 6:26 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • I would tend to agree with haleykarson. Just sit him down and ask. Give him the opportunity to come clean with whatever it is he has been doing and why. Give him a chance to explain.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:05 PM on Nov. 14, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.