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2 Bumps

Can you romatically love two people at the same time?

I fell in love with a man 20 yrs ago. We've stayed distant friends throughout the years. I married another man, my husband, 16 years ago. The first man never told me how he felt about me (I knew but he never told me directly). Last night he finally confessed his feelings that he has kept pushed down all these years. We are both in good marriages. And we both agree that we could never have a physical relationship as long as we were still with our spouses. I love my husband! But I feel like I love this man too...I feel torn and I don't know what to think about it...

Just wondering if I'm alone out there...

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to respond.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Jan. 28, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Nope. It totally happens.

    The best way that I have been able to explain it or at least rationalize it is this-
    You can have a soul mate- someone that you are very much connected to and love very much but for one reason or another it doesn't work out. And then you can have your twin flame- someone that you are attracted (not "he's cute") but your life forces entwine and you are the best thing for each other. You still feel the hear ache of not having your soul mate even though you have met him and know he is out there. But you still end up with your twin flame.

    Then trick is figuring out which is which.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 11:06 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • In my opinion, one you may love, but the other you might just lust after, have nostalgic feelings towards, or just a crush. Seems like u have some thinking to do...
    shanapiv

    Answer by shanapiv at 11:38 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • of course you can!!!
    gardenchic

    Answer by gardenchic at 11:05 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I did before I was married, more than once. The first time I just hadn't let go of the person I'd been with for 3 years, but I'd been casually dating for almost a year and one guy that I'd been out with so many times was just so great! I loved him, and I still loved the ex. Then even though I loved this new guy and he loved me, he wasn't ready for it. He was honest about feeling afraid and that this wasn't planned and he had a certain plan for his life and love like that just didn't fit yet, so he quit calling. Still reeling from that experience I met the man who is now my husband! I fell in love with him pretty immediately, but I still loved both the others. It became pretty easy to let all that go before too long though.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 11:12 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • IMO, no. You are holding onto something from the past and since the past keeps in touch, you cannot let it go.

    He overstepped his boundaries by saying anything to you. The best thing to do is let the past die.

    If you had kept in touch all these years and had these feelings, you shouldn't have married your DH.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:13 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I think so because I think sometimes your present and future may overlap or your past and present may overlap causing thes confusing emotions, but eventually I think you have to decide where you heart is and where your head is and where you really belong. No matter what it will be hard but if you don't choose then you will live in torment and never find real happiness.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 11:25 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Of course you can! But you can only really choose one to grow a relationship. Me, I chose wrong the first time, but chose right the second time.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:47 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I don't believe it is possible for ME..but sure, some people can. I'm just not that type of person. *shrug*
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 11:51 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Its possible.
    However i can say that its not healthy to love a person intimately. Now my thing is you need to deal with the one you are WITH!!! and not the one of the past.

    JacquitaH

    Answer by JacquitaH at 12:10 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I don't think so.
    xLeeAnnex

    Answer by xLeeAnnex at 1:12 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

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