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5 Bumps

How do I get over this? adult content

Well I have come to discover that my DH has quite an extensive history of looking up chicks online - which yes, he is a guy and that's what guys do right? Well for me I feel like I've spent my entire 20's feeling not good enough because I never was - not coming to bed to have sex with me, not giving me any other than sometimes at night sex - lights off ready to go to sleep! Never has let me know what he really is interested in, turns me down, I'm sitting here bawling because I'm truly realizing I spent my 20's with someone who was always more interested in what isn't real and with him. I really could have cared less about the porn - really! But when I've never felt idolized or been made to feel like I'm sexy in his eyes!! God I feel like the stupidest person for staying all this time! Now we have kids and jobs and bills!! ughhh!! When we were first living together and only 19 and 20 I really thought oh wow I get to please my man every night, well that's not how it went - maybe the internet will be the downfall of our relationship, I didn't recognize because I was young and stupid, MY WHOLE 20's when I was probably at my cutest - now I've got a mama body and feel crappy. How do I get past this and not care about what he is doing? God knows he wont change as he truly only gets mad at me for bringing up how this has all made me feel and twists it all to somehow be my fault!!


Asked by JusaLady at 11:12 AM on Jan. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (405 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • 3) Here's where communication comes in again and is a must. In order to entice, seduce, please, tempt..etc. our partners. We must fully KNOW what does those things for them. We must know what is enticing, seductive, pleasing, tempting etc in their eyes. If we do not know, then there is a chance what we are doing isn't "hitting" the spot for them, so they are not going to respond/react they way we are hoping/wanting to. It is very important to really KNOW what gets our partners fire burning, and what will keep their fire burning.
    4)There is a reason, for every action, every pattern every behavior that a person shows. There is a reason (or reasons) behind your husband's behavior. The only way to really change behaviors/patters/actions is to know WHY they are happening in the first place. This is one of the main keys to dealing with what's going on. Knowing WHY it's happening to start with. Again. Communication comes into play

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:01 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • he is a guy and that's what guys do right- NOT IF THEY ARE FAITHFUL!

    Honey, he doesn't deserve you. I was with mine for 8 years and that is how he made me feel. I finally decided that enough was enough. I deserve better, my kids deserve to see how a truly loving relationship should and can be.

    STOP trying to accept him in this way or settling for less. Get your butt motivated and either resolve to live like that or do something to change it. If he won't change, are you willing to feel this way the rest of your life?

    If not, it will be hard but you can do it on your own. Lots of us have and many more will. We don't need a man to support us. We can do that all by ourselves. The man is simply a bonus in life and they need to realize that. Once they think that we cannot live without them, they do what they want without a care as to how it makes us women feel.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:17 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • It doesn't sound like your DH has ever valued you as a woman, to be honest. The problem isn't porn, or the Internet, it's how he treats YOU. If he won't talk to you about it, and thinks everything is your fault, I truly don't know what you can do. Why do you want to be married to him?

    Answer by Scuba at 11:14 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • He sounds like a scumbag to me. U deserve better!

    Answer by shanapiv at 11:33 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Wow what an ass. He sounds like a worthless little boy honestly. You've done nothing wrong except stay with a loser who cares more about the "pretend" than what he's got in front of him. I say leave his loser ass. You have kids, well you can take care of them. I have four kids two of whom have autism. I STILL kicked my ex out because he didn't feel it necessary to support his children. I'm doing it. Am I getting help yep I am BUT I'm not gonna get help forever? Nope just until I can get on my feet. See if you don't have family that can help you because in all honesty you're a beautiful woman and you do NOT need to be treated like a piece of crap. HE'S the worthless piece of shit. Good luck and I hope you do what's best for you AND for your kiddo's.

    Answer by Bird16_J at 11:40 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I wouldn't put up with that for very long and if he won't do anything about it, I'd be gone. You should repspect you, even if he clearly doesn't. Do what you need to, OP. Best wishes.

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:49 AM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Im sorry to say but if I was in that relationship, I would leave.

    Answer by LiLJeni at 12:25 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • If your DH loved you and respected you, he wouldn't look up that crap. I'm sorry you feel this way. I wish you the best of luck : ] keep your head up <3

    Answer by xLeeAnnex at 1:10 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Through these years.What steps did you take to initiate sex more often? What steps did you take to have more pleasurable sex etc? What steps did you initiate to get him off the computer and in bed? Again let me state once again: I am in no way or means saying one of you is right and one of you is wrong, one of you is at fault and one is innocent.¬†However the reality is, for something like this to be a problem for so many years, both of you have a part in it.¬†Do you guys have good, honest, and open sexual communication? Do you fully and openly share desires, fantasies, sexual needs, sexual wants.etc? Do you guys engage in sexual behaviors outside the bedroom and just intercourse? (meaning, do you guys flirt and play around, do you guys engage in heavy petting or making out etc). Have you guys tried working together to create a happy/healthy sex life?>


    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:01 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Porn destroyed my parents25 year marriage. They got a computer..and within 2 years my dad was addicted to it...which led to a divorce.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 PM on Jan. 28, 2011