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4 Bumps

I need some advice....

My ex was arrested the 16th for DV. THis has been going on for 3 years. I have a no contact and a protection order against him. He was still having family members try to contact me so he could see his son. My dumbass felt guilty so I let him see his son. He actually spent the night here last night. (stupid I know please don't bash, this is hard enough) We have court coming up soon and he is telling me not to go so he won't get charged. I feel he needs to but he has me doubting myself and feeling guilty. He has never hurt our son and I know he wouldn't and I would never keep my son from him but I think he needs serious counseling. Alcohol/DV/anger management treatment. I don't want to send him to jail because I know he will lose his job but I also am sick of him getting away with this. I have no desire to be with him anymore and am looking at places tro move.
My question is... is there away that I can write a letter to the judge or prosecuter saying I think he needs help and not jail time? I'm not trying to be evil about this I just want him out of my life and to get help...

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June_Mama09

Asked by June_Mama09 at 1:36 PM on Jan. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 26 (26,054 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • You need to go to court and he needs to go to jail. TOO BAD if he loses his job. He should have thought about all of that before he started beating on you (?)
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 1:38 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I'm sorry but he needs to do his time. It will help him learn his lesson. My mother has had 3 DUIs and has never had jailed. Did the counseling and fines and stuff but she thinks "Hey I got away with it now I know how to hide it better." Till this day she still drinks and drives and hasn't been caught and I hope she does.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:39 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • All I am saying if you help set him free you are just as bad as he is. He did the crime he needs to pay his time. NO ONE should get away with breaking the law because someone feels guilty they will screw their life up more. He knew it will screw his life up but he did it anyways.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:41 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • They can court order him to take anger management. It's all up to you & whether or not you want to press charges. Yes, you can talk to the prosecuter (the judge pretty much just sits there, the prosecuter is the one who really makes the decision) and tell them that you believe jail time might hurt & not help him & that you suggest that he be mandated anger management therapy. My sister was violent with my mom one time, & instead of her going to jail when my mom called the cops, they made her take anger management for a whole year.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:41 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • From my experience with this, first time offenders do not get jail time depending on how bad the abuse was. However, if he has a prior record for DV it sounds like he deserves 30 days to sit and ponder on what hitting gets him. You can write a letter and ask that the judge takes it into consideration, but usually you have no say in it once the state picks it up. Whether he's not abusive to his son isn't the issue. What do you think your son is learning when he sees you being abused???.. Don't ever feel guilty for something that isn't your fault hun, he may need help but until he realizes that there are consequences to his actions all the "help" in the world won't get through. Good Luck...and ...Brightest Blessings.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 1:41 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • You need to go to court, and let the judge decided what needs to happen....you are too close to the situation to make a good decision. Go to court, put a stop to this, and hopefully the judge will get him help....but even if he sends him to jail, the only way he will become the kind of man your child deserves as a father, is if he is held accountable.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:41 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • "decide" not decided!!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:42 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • And the anger managemtn REALLY-REALLY helped her out. She is a total different person!
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 1:42 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I agree with everyone. You need to do your part and tell the truth if not for you then some other poor girl who might end up in his life. Also, not sure if you are aware or not but keep in mind that restraining orders go both ways and that you can get in trouble and be arrested if he is found to be in your home or you contact him and if he is a real jerk he could use it against you. Just saying, be careful or you can be spending some nights in jail as well.
    Gnomeofmyheart

    Answer by Gnomeofmyheart at 1:46 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • trust me they dont change he probaly going to tell u he sorry and he would do anything but once the chargers drop he will turn around and doit again he needs to know he has broken the law ive been there!!! he needs to be accountable for his actions and wen he raises his hand to hit u he new wat he was doing but they use th kids to try to get back n tha pic
    kai302

    Answer by kai302 at 1:46 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

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