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Do you believe in spankins?

My daughter is 11 and when her dad and I divorced she wanted to live with him because she was not gettin her way with me. He and I have both remarried and my 3 kiddos get along great with my new hubby but do not get along with their step-mom, The thing is that they still do not get their way with me or him and we don't get them everything they ask for,so one of my daughters(the 11 yr old) and my son opted to live with their dad(cause he would bribe them with this or that and was always buyin them stuff)They still live in VA but are movin home to Tx next month. Now I come around to the spamkin part. My kids will call me and tell me thet their dad will spank them and they are always gettin grounded for just about anything,even just for talkin when he or she dont want to hear them. He no longer buys them anything that they want cause he so says he don't have the money,he is military and he just got back from deployment not to long ago,and he has no car pymts,hardly no bills,so what gives,why does he not have money? Anyway,they call me to tell me that they no longer want to live in his house and that they should have listened to me when I wanted them to live with me. I feel helpless cause my new hubby is military as well and we just moved to GA and I have no money to travel back to VA to get them or their things. So my daughter calls and says that her dad was spamkin her last night and she was tryin to get away from him and he was holdin her down on the floor and spankin her so hard that she now has bruises. The step-mom has raised her hand to my daughter and when I found that out I yelled and cussed them both out cause I don't think that she should ever lay a hand on my kids,she can ground or take somethin away but not lay a hand on them. He does not listen to them or take their sides for anything and this I have noticed. He never was like this til he remarried. He always takes the new wifes word on everything. He does not stand up for our children,and my our oldest daughter tells me all the time that she is so glad that she moved with me. The kids that stayed with their dad had a cat and because his wife did not want it there anymore my ex got rid of it,and it broke our daughters heart. They had that cat for 3 yrs, they also have a guinea pig and my daughter was upset and said that she was gonna open the door to the cage so the guinea pig could get lost,the step -mom said that she would call the cops on her in front of my ex and that was not the first time she threatened to call the cops on the kids for some reason or other(in front of him) and he does not do or sayanythin. I am so stressed about all this and I have NO IDEA of what I can do or how to help my kiddos cause at the same time I am not there now so I really don't know what really is goin on. Also to let y'all know,my ex does not want to talk to me about anything not even our children,he says that he does not even want to hear my voice,and he is the one that left me,he cheated on me while he was deployed the first time and then he married her. So there is no talkin between us,even tho I have tried. So I hope someone has some advice on what to do or say or how to go about things. Thank you ladies!! Sorry for writin y'all a long book here!!

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BabsBunny32

Asked by BabsBunny32 at 2:30 PM on Jan. 28, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Long story, simple answer. Your daughter described a BEATING, not a spanking.

    LAWYER UP. Get your kids back.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:32 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • If she has bruises tell her to go to school and show the teacher or principle. She can tell them she is scared to go home because they abuse her (leaving bruises is abuse not punishment). She can tell them whats going on at home, and there may be more. CPS will be called along with the police. Odds are theyll call you and have you come get them before anything else. It doesnt sound like they are just getting spanked, but are being abused physically and emotionally.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:33 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • First of all, I do believe in spankings, if they are WELL DESERVED and they do NOT get out of hand. A spanking is a slap on the butt or a slap on the wrist, not a beat down. That is uncalled for. And I agree with you that his new wife should not be laying a hand on your kids.
    I don't know what to tell you about getting them back though. It seems to me that if he is spanking your daughter hard enough to leave bruises, you could probably get the police involved, but you still would have to pay for the kids to travel to GA. I'm sorry hun.
    Is there a way you can maybe get a loan to pay for the travel expenses?
    Dalimonster

    Answer by Dalimonster at 2:36 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I agree with gemgem, tell her to go show a teacher or her principal. That is the only way that you'll get to the bottom of what's going on. As for not having money to move them back, see what age they have to be to choose who they want to live with and figure out what court you have to file in, you can usually file for a minimal fee, and sometimes they have free legal services to help you (if children services was involved it would be free anyway) Make sure she is telling the truth though and she's not playing you against them. Have you talked to your hubby about this?
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 2:42 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Well,I wish my ex would talk to me,but like I said earlier...he wants nothin to do with me even tho he is the one that filed the paper work and he is the one that left me. I told my daughter to tell her teacher and they can help too,cause my cousin was tellin me about that. Also like I said earlier since I'm not there I really dont know the whole story. The only way I can tell right now bein this far from her is if she does tell the teacher then I know she was not lyin about it. That is also another reason I dont want to call CPS or the police cause Im not there so I dont have the proof,thats why I was tellin her that her teacher can help if it really is as bad as she says. Thanks again for all your answers ladies they are a help!
    BabsBunny32

    Comment by BabsBunny32 (original poster) at 2:52 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I would get a lawyer & have the children report the abuse to anyone who will listen you have to do what you can to protect your children all it takes is that one time for something tog o terribly wrong & you wont have the chance to ever see them again there is defiantly a difference between spanking & a straight beat down & the fact that he just returned from deployment he may even be taking out his aggression out on the kids & as for their step mother i agree she has no right to raise a hand to your children. GET THEM OUT OF THERE AS SOON AS YOU CAN!

    ExtremlyUnique

    Answer by ExtremlyUnique at 3:02 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

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