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I need to talk to someone that been thru this ..... I'm at a lost for what to do?

Well I have been married for almost one year. It will be one year on Feb 8th. I have one daughter who is mine from a previous realtionship. She is 4. She knows my husband as daddy but he has not adopted her. We are expecting our first child together in April.
Recently my husband as stated he is not sure what he wants anymore, that he think we may have made a mistake by getting married so soon. He says he is unhappy. He says he loves me but hes not in love with me anymore.
I dont know what to do anymore. I left for two days on his days off and went to my mothers to give him time to think. I have now been back for 3 days and going crazy. I dont know how to act around him. I mean i want to give him his space but I want to feel loved. I want us to start counseling on Monday, separate at first then together later. He needs to figure out his issues. I think he may be depressed. I dont want him to be with me because he thinks he has too, because that wont solve anything.

But what I need advice on his how do I act, I feel so alone. (oh and plus he works second shift and I am a SAHM. and we have one car so I dont do much) I explained this to him that i am trying to be strong to fight for our marriage but this is hard for me to sit here and wait when I could lose him at anytime.
I am going to go to the doctor on Monday for my appt for my pregnancy and see if I get something to help me feel better.


Has anyone gone threw this. I could really use someone to talk to. I'm not sure if this is cuz of the baby coming? or some underlying depression.  Hes says I'm a great wife he just doesn't know why thats not enough right now. 

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Jan. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • No,sorry! Never been through that. I hope it all works out for u.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 8:17 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • He's probably depressed! Counseling might work
    iam4you2

    Answer by iam4you2 at 8:42 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • That is what I am thinking and so is his mother.
    So we are hoping for the best. I just would love to find someone that can relate and help me understand what to do.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:46 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Do ya'll go to church? If so, it would be great for you two to go talk to your pastor. I believe that marriage was ordained by God and it is His will for married couples to not only stay together, but to be in LOVE!
    Most of us who have been married for any length of time have gone through dry patches in our marriages. Like anything else "living", a marriage must be fed and nourished to survive! Life gets mundane just going through the same old motions day after day. Love is not a feeling it is a commitment to honor your marriage vows. I do hope you reach out to someone who is in the profession of helping you. In the meantime there are multitudes of books on strengthening your marriage. DH and I used to lie in bed together before going to sleep and I would read a couple of chapters to him before he would fall asleep. Best wishes! I do hope you get some relief. A marriage isn't meant to be so lonely!
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 10:17 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • We do not go to church. But I have been telling him I wanted to start going again.
    Thank you for the good advice. I am looking for books to help me understand and to help him as well.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:53 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • Is this his first child? I know with our first child my dh freaked out, and we had been married 9 years at that point. I really thought I was going to lose him. He never said he didn't love me, but I know he was scared and I changed. A lot! I think he is just trying to adjust to becoming a father. I know lots of men who are excited to become fathers, but there are also plenty who want to run. I think you just need to not approach him about staying or going. Talk lots and lots about the positive, good things you and he will get to experience with the baby. (Not pushy though, but just the baby's first bath, first steps etc) I think once he realizes how wonderful it will be he will relax and things will be fine. This is just from my experience
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:59 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • The only ting I have been pushing for is to go talk to someone. We both need too. I want us to be at a good stage(not allbetter but steps to be there) when the baby is born. It is a stressful time after the baby and I dont want things to get worse when we didn't take the steps to make it better.

    I just feel so unloved everyday. and its just sucks. I am trying to give him his space. It just hurts.
    and yes this is his first child.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:22 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I went thru this 4 months after married and he went out drinking because he was depressed and he CHEATED on me I was destroyed, pregnant and overwhelmed with his betrayal. I wanted to leave him, kill him and well... We went to counsling and seemed only problen we had was our drinking. He stopped drinking and begged for forgivness for the past 1.5 yr he has done everyting to show me he wants US a family and Ihave tried to forgive him, but to forget is the hardest part ...

    I wish you the best it takes a STRONG person to make a marriage work and make a happy home ...
    shining5stars

    Answer by shining5stars at 12:08 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • "He says he loves me but hes not in love with me anymore. "


    I heard these same words when DH was cheating on me. Not saying yours is but i have spoken to many women who have been cheated on and in comparing what we all noticed, this line came up A LOT with the women.


    I gave him his space of not crowding him and let him come around on his own, this was before I found out about his affair. I felt like I was walking on egg shells for a whole year until I saw a difference in him towards me. Then the's when I found out the news. One whole year after being told this same line.


    It's been 4 years later now but i'm not in a happy place. I have given it all I got. I can't come to terms that he did this to us. It's not easy, been thinking of my options lately.


    I wish you luck and stay strong!!!!!

    SnapIt

    Answer by SnapIt at 2:50 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • My ex used the same line on me. I went crazy trying to figure out what I needed to do to fix it. I backed off a little, I tried showing more affection. Tried to be everything to him. It got to the point that I felt sick to my stomach when he got home because I was so worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. I even asked him if there was another woman...he said, "no, that his feelings have just changed for me". Come to find out that he had been cheating on me for 2 years! I didn't find out until later. My youngest was only 15 months at the time. We ended up splitting up.
    I'm not saying that your husband has cheated but just be careful and try to find out exactly what his deal is. Good luck!
    hoping73

    Answer by hoping73 at 3:58 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

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