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4 Bumps

My dad died . What would you do?

My dad sexually abused me and physically abused my mom, brother, and me when we were kids. I forgave him but never trusted him. I kept him at a distance from my kids to protect them. Still, I kept in contact with him to know what he was doing, how he was doing. My brother stopped talking to him altogether a couple years ago.
When our mom died, I basicly had to take care of everything. When she was sick, I handled it. When my brother lost his home, I took him in. Now he is 1000 miles away. So of course, I am again having to take care of everything. I am also recovering from major surgery.
We are so beyond broke right now plus I am exhausted. I asked my brother if he cant
come and help, can he at least help with costs. He refuses. says he doesnt have it yet they can afford 2 cruises a year??? My dad was found in his home dead. He had apparently been there 3 days ( it wasnt unusual to not hear from him everyday, so i wasnt worried) i had talked to him on fri. he died on monday and was found wed. I loved him but I wasnt always nice to him because of the hell he put us thru. I just want to give him a proper
goodbye. He had to be cremated because of the decomp. I feel so sick. My husband and I will have to go into
the house to clean and to go thru dads papers and all. My brother has abandoned me as usual. He leaves me to handle it all. I am so pissed right now and hurting.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Jan. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I'm not sure what to say. Maybe the city can clean up the place for you? I'm so sorry all of that happened to you.

    Answer by febmom007 at 11:42 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I am so sorry. I wish I could help you. All I can do is offer to pray for you.

    Answer by shivasgirl at 11:43 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this without your brother's help. If your brother cut him off years ago, I'm not surprised that he doesn't want to help or spend money on your father's burial.

    Whatever you do, do it for yourself so that you can heal. It sounds like your husband will be there for support. Don't forget to take care of yourself and do what your doctor says to recover properly from your surgery.

    *hugs* momma

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:43 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I would find the money to have a professional clean the house. You can't clean that up with normal everyday cleaner. I think you are doing a wonderful thing by taking care of your father, he may have done a horrible thing but you forgave him and I am sure it helped you cope and move on. Was there any life insurance to handle the cost of a funeral or burial? I am so sorry that you have to do this without help from your brother. Is there any other family members that can help you out?

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:45 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I'm so sorry :( Are there any other relatives you can call to help you? Hopefully someone on here has answers for you but I'm really sorry, you're brother shouln't treat you like that, he was bitter at your father, now he's gone. He should step up for you. Hugs

    Answer by Kathy675 at 11:47 PM on Jan. 28, 2011

  • I'm sorry. Perhaps your brother distancing himself was his way of coping with what happened to him. You are a strong woman to be able to overcome what you went through. God Bless.

    Answer by debnich501960 at 3:02 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

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