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2 Bumps

I'm trying to do the right thing.....

I think I mentioned before that I was given guardianship of my grandson last year because of his mom's illness, she and my son (his father) have not been together for years, he married someone else. and I am trying to convince my grandson how important it is to form some type of relationship with his father. My grandson tells me that he only feels comfortable being here at home and would rather for his father and little brother visit him here. Apparently his father speaks to him harshly and my grandson feels uncomfortable being around him.
I had my grandson call his father this evening and explain to him why he rather have him come visit him here at home rather than go to hid father's home and it didn't go to well. When I got on the phone to speak to myself trying to get him to try to understand, he got angry and so did his wife. She and my son feel that I should just make my grandson visit them but I can't do that. You see, my grandson's mom is very ill, she is at the end of her disease and this child knows she has gotten worse and knows that she is slowly dying, he just doesn't talk about it.
Anyway, my daughter-in-law was making her little comments and again, I let her get to me, it resulted in a very loud argument between she and myself and more. I am angry with myself because I allowed her to push my buttons again. I understand that my son's and my youngest grandson's feelings are hurt because this one I have refuses to visit them. I suggested that the grandson I have visited for a few hours after we visit his mom tomorrow and then letting it go from there but apparently, that's not enough according to my son ( his father) and his wife and I should just pack him up and make him go to their home whether he wants to or not. Now you tell me what am I suppose to do. This child has been abused in the past by relatives and here at home is his safety zone. Should I force out of his safety zone and make him visit his father at their home or just keep letting him set the pace. I have been accused of babying him, spoiling him, or manipulating him. He's 12, and as God as my witness, I listen, not manipulate.

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debnich501960

Asked by debnich501960 at 1:33 AM on Jan. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (861 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • If this is so & he has been abused in the past.. I thnk u should keep him right there with u.. U r the only one he trust. If u send him with his father.. He may feel abandoned by the only one he actually trust and cares about.. Not to mention adding on to the emotional scars he already carries.. In my opinion.. He seems jus fine right where he is & thats w/ u..
    tiamesmer

    Answer by tiamesmer at 1:45 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • No.  I absolutely don't think that he should be forced to go over there.  His dad and his wife getting angry, don't let that bother you.  You are doing a beautiful thing and I commend you.  It's not about what THEY feel like should happen, YOU are the one keeping his best interest in mind.  I would tell them that they can come see him or that we will all stop over there but no, I would not force him to.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 2:31 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • When my son and I were talking, his wife kept butting in saying little nasty things. She is not welcome in my home and visa-versa. We don't like each other and have very little respect for each other. Her doing not mine. She needs to mind her on business. I told that what mine son, my grandson and I were talking about was none of her business. But she feels that since she is married to my son anything and everything we talk about is her business.
    debnich501960

    Comment by debnich501960 (original poster) at 2:42 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • The conversation ended up into an argument with me threatening to kick her ass again. Now, I know she will not allow me to see my other grandson because now she has to punish me regardless of the fact that I have court ordered visitation.
    debnich501960

    Comment by debnich501960 (original poster) at 2:45 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • Your grandson is 12 years old, and by that age he knows where he is most comfortable. You should not force him to go to a place he feels he does not want to go. If his safety zone is at your house, then that is where his father should see him. Since this child was abused, he knows where he feels safe and comfortable-so bottom line you are doing the right thing. If his father wants to be a part of his life, then he needs to understand and go where his son feels safe. This child is going through enough already, so he should not feel the pressure of having to do something he does not feel comfortable with.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 10:02 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • Uhhmmm.... Im not tryn to b funny but..... Where is ur SON!!? He needs to put his foot dwn & tell her to sit dwn & shut the hell up!!! Y does he sit there & allow her to do this?? U have a very difficult situation on ur hands.. wow... She is really a BITCH! Im sorry to say but I thnk theres no end to this situation until u elliminate the real prob.... HER! Idk wat I would do.. I would prob beat her ass also!
    tiamesmer

    Answer by tiamesmer at 10:07 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

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