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4 Bumps

When yourkids move into their adulthood....and you know what's happening and why......where does the feeling of "I have no purpose" come from.....? Why do we feel like we have no purpose?

I've cleaned apartments, dorm rooms, received deposits back and folded everything that they didn't wash. I've had stripes sewn on marine corp uniforms and stayed in the hospital for 14 days with my corp son. the list could carry on today if i wanted....and no, they can live on their own. Purpose is easy for me to find in them.  I'm talking about me and where did I go?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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kbutts

Asked by kbutts at 11:31 AM on Jan. 29, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 10 (385 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • I never felt that way. I have two adult kids now (3 still at home) and I know I have purpose in the adult kids lives. Who else would they borrow money from? Who else would they call when they turn their white socks pink? Who else are they going to call when their SO is pissing them off? I have plenty of purpose, I just dont need to hold their hand all the time is all. Look at it that way.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:32 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • Because we no longer have a say in what they do, we spend at least 18 years nurturing and then they leave the nest and we are left with this feeling. Now if you created a strong family bond with them they will leave the nest but will not wonder too far, mine didn't!
    older

    Answer by older at 11:33 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • I started letting mine go by 16 (they had to get a job, car etc) so I guess I didnt feel as much emptiness because of that too.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 11:38 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • It's not so much a lack of purpose, but a sense of loss for their childhoods, and for that phase of our lives. Mine are adults, and not only do I know they have a purpose, but I'm actually looking forward to this new phase in my life....I have plenty of purpose...all of the things that I put on hold while I was raising kids....there are so many things that I want to do, and have started doing this year as things have suddenly changed.

    I'm excited about their future, and my own new opportunities, but I still feel a sense of loss for their childhoods....it suddenly seems like it went so fast........
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:54 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • Do you think as a mother that we forget to think about ourselves and are doctors, preachers, policewomen and mediators? i have so many credentials and zero medals.....lol! Where are we going to get retirement checks from....? Does someone send us a "Congrats on 25 years of continuous service and no sick days? How about a pin for each 25 years of dedication? Maybe someone will say "and now, even though you are a licensed real estate agent (because it was the best thing to do for the kids) you have been asked to do this job because we know you can...and the pay will be just as rewarding." thank you for staying home and making every effort to raise responsible, accountable and moral people." Clap. Clap. Clap.
    kbutts

    Comment by kbutts (original poster) at 11:56 AM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • Absolutely I think we forget about ourselves. We're so involved in trying to be good moms, and take care of our families, that we forget to take care of ourselves, and to have individual lives. I guess to some degree that's what I'm looking forward to now. Taking care of myself a little, and accomplishing some of the things that I keep pushing to the bottom of the list.

    I will say that at different times, my adult sons HAVE said...."thank you for staying home, and for teaching me......" the youngest recently thanked me for teaching him to manage money, the older boys have also thanked me for some of the mothering things in the last couple of years.....I think sometimes it takes them awhile to appreciate what we've done....but eventually they realize it, when they see that other people they know weren't given that guidance.

    *hugs* Momma, I'm right there with you!!! And I'll Clap for you...Good job, clap, clap clap.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:21 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • i think i like you, ohwrite....yes, my kids say wonderful things and at this very moment my 26 yr old is trying to make sure i'm okay. after 25 years of marriage and doing a brief look-back, i know i need to love myself. i've always wanted to be open, honest, communicate and resolve issues that are usually just misread or he/said she/said. i cannot take he/said she/said....i am the one that corrals whomever involved and then repeat what they say and repeat what i say with everyone present. say your sorry or say i didn't know...whatever. but it's coming from the horse's mouth. it's a waste of time to hear second hand or third hand talk. i worked too damn hard to think about how i could make someone else miserable. and miserable is just a waste of energy and time. i am just lonely and need to get back to work. thank you for taking your time to answer my question (which actually popped up a couple of years ago.) i'm grateful.
    kbutts

    Comment by kbutts (original poster) at 12:59 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • and i really heard you clapping! Me smiling..thinking that a stranger is clapping for me.
    kbutts

    Comment by kbutts (original poster) at 1:01 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • I think that it happens when parents lose themselves and forget to make time for themselves. My sons all started working the summer in between the 10th and 11th grade and before then (starting when they were 11-12) they would go do weekly events with friends (skating, bowling, etc.) and from the time our younger 2 were 11 and 12 (the older 2 were 15 and 16) hubby and I have been making time for us. We would go out when the boys were all out and we never forgot us and when my children were in school I was still a SAHM and had hobbies and interests so I never lost me and my husband had his interests so he never lost himself. We never missed a sports event or school play, every vacation was as a family, we always ate together as a family every single night, we went out every Sunday as a family to see a movie or to play putt putt but we never lost ourselves. Now they are adults and we aren't lost.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Jan. 29, 2011


  • y purpose I am finding out is to be thier "MOM" now not their "MOMMY" I miss the other still but im in college so i am getting my own life but your relationship is not the same but it still just as important
    peace013

    Answer by peace013 at 5:26 PM on Jan. 31, 2011

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