I separated from my hubby 6 mths ago. We have been married for 22 yrs, have 2 boys, 8 and 11 yrs old. I work full time and go to law school at night. He works full time as well. Financially we are both fine so $$ is not an issue.
I left for many reasons: his indifference to me, particularly after the children were born; he was depressed because we moved from AL to TX four yrs ago and he left his family, his job, his friends, his life and really didn't want to move - it was my idea (I was slowly dying there!); we weren't intimate for almost 18 months; he hardly spoke to me at all.
When I moved out, I expected the kids to have a hard time dealing with it and hubby to basically say ok, its over. The exact opposite has happened - the kids are almost oblivious because their life hasn't changed much but hubby has now become a "new man". He is trying to court me now - dates, phone calls, sex, talking, counseling, etc. We have been to counseling now for 6 mths and it has helped tremendously because we know now that our issues have been and said things we should have said all along. Communication has improved a lot.
However, I just don't think I love him anymore. He is a good man, a good provider, loves his kids, apparently loves me but I feel nothing for him. I read somewhere that you know its over when you can envision him 5 yrs from now remarried with a new family and not only have no bad feelings but wish him well. I feel that way about him. I kinda wish he would get a girlfriend to take the pressure off of me. I know this is weird and many other women probably think I'm nuts and should take him back but I feel like if I do, our old patterns will return and that "slow death" feeling will take hold again and never leave.
I don't have a boyfriend, I'm not looking for another man, I'm financially secure as is he, our kids are well-adjusted (according to us and the counselor). I do have some nagging religious beliefs going round in my head but I truly don't know what to do. I just feel like most of the time I need to be free of this because it has consumed so much of my mental energy for the past 8 yrs.
Any advice would be appreciated!
Answer by calliesmommie at 7:19 PM on Jan. 29, 2011
Answer by ohwrite at 7:21 PM on Jan. 29, 2011
Well I hope no one on here would tell you to get a divorce, because that isnt anyones place. Not even your family. However, I can say that if your not in love...its time for you to really think about what you want. If your not in love anymore it can take a toll hard on your life as the months go by. You cant stay in a relationship for your kids, it doenst work that way. I have a friend going through the same thing. All I can do is give her advice, and tell her over and over again that her happiness has to come first for her to love anyone else. If you have tried to get marriage counseling and it still hasnt worked, then maybe it is over. Over with you anyways. After you think long and hard about what you want...you need to have a serious talk with him. Moving on will not be easy, but you have to be happy to make a happy marriage. You only live one life, and even if being happy is being alone...then so be it.
Answer by bellamommyof4 at 7:22 PM on Jan. 29, 2011
I think its time for you to be happy. if you get back with him it will only be to please him but what about you? if you are no longer in love with him then there is your answer. i know how it is to be with someone that you no longer have that thing for. its really hard to k.eep faking it and if he notices it will just make things worse. maybe you are better off as friends? try telling him how you really feel. maybe he will understand and if he really loves you then he should let you go. whatever you decide i wish you the best of luck. you seem like a strong women and no matter what I'm sure you will be fine.
Answer by Christieluv0614 at 7:24 PM on Jan. 29, 2011
Answer by LizzieAnnesMom at 7:26 PM on Jan. 29, 2011
Answer by louise2 at 7:33 PM on Jan. 29, 2011
Answer by simplyme01 at 8:24 PM on Jan. 29, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 PM on Jan. 29, 2011
Answer by etexmom at 10:08 PM on Jan. 29, 2011
Next question overall
Someone that I know personally, is the one saying all the negative comments...