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Will you just hear my vent...offer word of advice, insight on similar experience etc?

So I have a cousin who is a bit older than me. I'm 19, she is 20.  A while ago she posted one sonogram pic on FB and then took it off, she said it was a joke.  Okay fast forward a bit.  She lives in another state from me but we have always remained close.  She has cut off quite a bit of contact with us.

She has a daughter 6 weeks younger than my son, everyone thinks she got pregnant because I got pregnant.  She went thru the DNA testing etc to be sure on the father.  I know I was 18 when I had my son, and yes I am a younger mom, but when I got preg I had already been with my SO 3years, we lived alone for 1 year previous, I am in college, was able to be a SAHM etc.  I didn't just go get pregnant by some random because I was in some fake competition.

 She NEVER has her daughter, or scratch that, she has her maybe one or two nights a week. Her mom always has her daughter.  Or she is always in daycare.  The dad and her are 'together' but it is clear to everyone that he is using her. 

They have had the cops called to their house quite a few times, we suspect that he hits her, based on some info my grandma is telling me.  In fact today the cops were just over again.  Coffee tables have been broken, big screen flat screen tv's have been broken, entertainment systems have been broken, etc

She also just got in a physical altercation a week ago where she was punched in the stomach and was throwing up from it.  

OMG it goes on.  We just found out she wanted an abortion but couldn't afford one, she is now 5, almost 6 mos pregnant. smh wtf  I am just overly dissappointed in her, if she lived closer to me I would help, I am in california, she is in texas, but I simply can't do much for her.

Her baby's father has 4 other children, maybe 3, not sure, but 3 for sure, then her daughter so this will be for suer his 5th, maybe his 6th.  He doesn't pay child support for any of the others, we're pretty sure he still messes with his ex because he has spent nights over there, by admission of my cousin she knows he's been there. 

My aunt, her mom, is so mad because she basically raises her daughter.  Pays for almost half of their bills AND pays for the little girls health care.  So now what will happen with this baby.  A baby she doesn't even want? I don't know.  This is fucking INSANE


 
DomoniqueWS

Asked by DomoniqueWS at 7:32 PM on Jan. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,109 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Sounds like the aunt needs to take custody of this kid away from her and someone needs to call CPS on this mom. She also needs to be on court-ordered birth control (if there is such a thing). This girl is in bad trouble and needs to clean up her life. These kids are going to suffer if someone doesn't step in and say "enough".
    RJPLAW42

    Answer by RJPLAW42 at 8:06 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • Hang in there. Have you maybe brought up the idea of adoption to your cousin?
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 7:35 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • Nothing you can do, just be glad she doesnt live close and pray foer her
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 7:36 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • If she is getting abused she is probably hurting alot inside. I just got out of an abusive relationship and trust me it changes you when you are in one. I wasn't myself at all. As for her never having her daughter ... her mother needs to stop watching her all the time and make her step up. Is she using drugs? I would just try to be there for her, it sounds like she is going through a really rough time. I hope you and your family the best. It is hard to watch the ones you love hurting
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 7:39 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • She is a very confrontational person. I know he wasn't abusive to begin with but she was abusive to him and now he is abusive to her.  I know at one point she even busted a picture frame on his head, and that is the first I heard he broke the TV.  So I am unsure if he is to her, I am suspicious, but I know she has been to him before any of this madness.

    DomoniqueWS

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 7:45 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • wow..your aunt should not pay their bills because she is just enabling them to be screw-ups. it is nice of your aunt to takes care of the baby though she is innocent.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 7:48 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • Yeah I know there is not much I can do.  Just kind of stressed from a far. We were really close and lately, some parental differences has separated us.  

    DomoniqueWS

    Comment by DomoniqueWS (original poster) at 7:53 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • Unfortunately there isn'tmuch anyone can do, she has to want help. Your Aunt might try a little tough love, if the baby won't get harmed, by not being available to babysit when she comes to drop her daughter off. I think it is great that you want to help your cousin, but she has to want help, so you can help her.
    FrozenFox

    Answer by FrozenFox at 8:11 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • If her life is that chaotic, then I wouldn't let that baby go over there at all! This is no place for a child to be.

    There's not a whole lot you can do other than pray for her. She is in that situation willingly. It doesn't sound like she is very stable. Being violent and staying w/someone who is violent as well, is a deadly combination. It's unfortunate that they are bringing another child into this mess. I do hope they straighten things out and seek help for their anger or give the child up for adoption. Innocent children deserve better!
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 9:54 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

  • I have a close friend trying to adopt.. We live in Louisiana. Please please message me if she wants to adopt out. They are a great couple, with a great loving home.
    MKSers

    Answer by MKSers at 10:09 PM on Jan. 29, 2011

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