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my mom doesnt seem to think i exist or matter, what would you do??

So when I was barely 2 my mom took off and left me with my dad and took my sister who was just a few months old, she never came back but my sister came to visit us, my mom never called me or wrote me not even on my birthday, i am not kidding either, nothing, so when i was 17 i met her for the first time, not a great experience but i met her, then ten years later i met her again when my sister passed away, i did her hair nails and makeup for the funeral. This year my birthday comes, we are in contact now granted the contact is through facebook but i will take it, still nothing but i see her talk to all these other people and say I love you and happy birthday to them but not me, i am her first born and she has 4 kids altogether and i am the only one she didnt keep, it hurts and i dont know how to get past it, i was over it but now she is here and i am able to communicate with her and she just says she cant talk tonight or talks about her other kids non stop, my sister and i are from the same dad the other 2 who i think dont like me from another dad. it hurts so bad on top of the hurt from losing my little sister, i dont know what to do and dont have a compassionate mom to turn to

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emleejanedom

Asked by emleejanedom at 2:51 AM on Jan. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (910 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Sorry mama I know the feeling all to well myself. I was taken away from my mother at the age of 4, she was an unfit mother,did drugs & left me & my 2 sisters alone for days at a time. My father was abusive used & sold drugs as well. I was then adopted at the age of 5 thankfully. When i turned 20 i eventually got in contact with my biological mother & was so disappointed. She hadn't really changed a bit...she still had no job barley knew any english & acted like i didn't really matter. It's like she acted like it was all about her & she did nothing wrong & still to this day chooses men over her own children. I gave up on her 6 months ago & completely cut things off. I know that sounds bad but i had to do it for myself & my children. My adoptive mother died when i was 18 on thanksgiving day she was my real true mother.It hurts so much some times because i would just love to have a mother to turn to & for my children to have
    iluvmykidsxoxo

    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 3:17 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • a grandma but i make the best of it. I'm sorry you are feeling this way & for the loss of your sister just try to focus on the positive in your life & i do hope things get better for you.

    iluvmykidsxoxo

    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 3:20 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • :-( I feel really bad for you. Your mom probably is avoiding you ecause she feels guilt for having left you and she doesn't want to confront those feelings. In her mind, its easier to just write you out of her life so that she doesn't have to face what she did to you. I know a lot of ppl that have had this very thing happen to them and the mother never apologizes or admits to having done anything wrong. My dh is one of those children. He's tried to get close with her and she just never wants to admit to anything or be loving at all. She was abusive to him and neglected him as well. You can't keep beating yourself up over it because as much as it hurts, and believe me I know it hurts, you can't make someone change. The problem is with her, honey. She screwed up and its just too big of a pill for her to swallow now. Move past it for your own sake.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 3:24 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I'm sorry I don't know how to help but I'm here to give you a hug. *hugs*
    apurpledolphin

    Answer by apurpledolphin at 3:56 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Oh sweetheart I am sorry for the loss of your sister. I also lost my baby sister and it is tough. Do you know that it was and still is not your fault? I imagine all sorts of reasons but so do you. I hope you can look back and see yourself as a little girl and tell yourself you are perfect and special. Sometimes grownups do not know what to do. It is as simple as that. You were just too perfect and she did not know how to be a mom. That was not your fault. Keep sharing with us here on Cafe Moms. You be good to yourself. Anytime you wonder close your eyes and pretend your hugging that little girl (you) and remind her it was not her fault that her mom left. You have so much to share. I hope you will.


    hugsMichelle

    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 4:03 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I'm so sorry. I would maybe write her a letter telling her how you feel and then let it be. I bet it's too much guilt for her. So just let it be. *hugs*
    SwePea

    Answer by SwePea at 4:47 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I agree with SwePea. I say write that letter and let it all out. I think she has tons of guilt and some people just shouldn't be a mom! You can't change her you can only change how you look at the situation. I am sorry to hear about your sister. I wish you the best :)
    HappyGirl44

    Answer by HappyGirl44 at 11:28 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Some people should not be moms!!!! They only care about themselves!!! I am sorry for your loss!!! It would be best to just not continue contact with her.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 11:43 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • We know that there had to be a tough situation going on because she was leaving in the first place and had to chose to one child. She probably left you because you were a little older and Dad could handle that better than a baby. Mentally, she probably couldn't handle two kids. She was trying to help the baby. I am sorry the loss of your sister. That could not have been easy. She soumds like a key player in your life's story. But I would say "Forgive your Mother because you were too young to know what was going on. Time has passed which means the details have gotten dusty. A key player has passed on so she can't tell her version of the story nor can she tell you things about living with the Mother that might be a part to the missing puzzle. Wipe the slate clean, Accept Mother and make everyone be a part if the family. Not an easy thing to do so...Good Luck! ps...Forgive Dad also for he know not what he do...lol
    QueenAdeela

    Answer by QueenAdeela at 3:06 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • i love my dad more than anything, he was a great dad and i was a very lucky girl, compared to my sister and other siblings i had it easy, I have forgiven my mom too, whats done is done, i guess i just dont understand that now she has met me for the second time in my life and we are back in connection i just dont understand why she doesnt want to talk to me, and it hurts, i am right here and readily available to her and yet i recieve no contact, i know there are a million scenarios of why she did what she did, but she had 3 other kids too so i think she can handle kids just fine, i just dont understand, and i guess i am having a pity party, i got made fun of when i was a kid too kids said i was so ugly i scared her away, years of teasing because i didnt have a mom and i didnt even know that there were two parents in a family until i was older andi got teased for that, i guess i just want my mom to be here now after years of her
    emleejanedom

    Comment by emleejanedom (original poster) at 11:53 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

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