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I know a woman who has passed. I really couldn't stand her, but she pretty much raised my nephew, it was his grandmother. Anyway, my question is do you go for the person who has passed or to be with the family they have left behind? IMO it is to comfort the family left behind.


Asked by arenad at 6:53 AM on Jan. 30, 2011 in Home & Garden

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Answers (14)
  • Either or both. It depends on the relationships.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 6:57 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I really think it depends on whatever will bring the most comfort to those left behind. Will your nephew and everyone take comfort from you being there? (like, thank you so much for being here, I could really use a shoulder to lean on today sort of thing) Or will it upset them for you to be there, knowing you didn't like her? (like they're thinking, what, you're hear to gloat or dance on her grave sort of thing)

    If you aren't sure, you could maybe quietly ask another relative close to the bereaved and ask them what they think. But either way, I would tell your nephew and them that you know how much she meant to them, and how sorry you are for their loss, and I would help them however I could - bring them food, take care of errands, whatever would help them.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 7:16 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • What tootoobusy said

    Answer by Melissa15 at 7:16 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Agree with tootoobusy. If you genuinely want to express your condolences to the family you can go to the wake, at least.

    Answer by elizabr at 7:17 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • IMO the funeral/wake is for family members and friends of the deceased, it's so they can get that final closure. The others that go, go so they can pay their final respects to the family. I know people who will go to a funeral of someone they didn't know just because they are worried that their friends will need them. I agree with elizabr you could go to the wake, do a walk through, give your hugs and express your condolences and then leave. Good Luck hun.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 7:29 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • famil comfort
    My mom and dad have been divorced since I was 14. When my dad passed she went to support my brother and I even though she still had hurt feelings toward him. Then this past June my paternal Gram passed. My mom came to the visitation, not the funeral but she still showed her support. Even though her and my Gram had never really gotten along and from what I've heard Gram was not the nicest mother-in-law.
    So go for your nephew, comfort him in his time of grief.

    Answer by sandbuster at 7:31 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • It is completely up to you. I think that out of respect for your Mom/Dad (whom ever mother it is) I would go. For them. Not you. And not for Grandmom. Id also go for your nephew out of repect for him and his relationship with her. YOu dont need to grieve or partake in readings. Just go for them. It will be over before you know it and it may make you feel a lot better that you were there for your family with physical support. GL!!

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:38 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • IMO it is for both. I would go out of respect for your extended family.

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 8:09 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • i agree with above

    Answer by san78 at 8:19 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I go for both in some situation and in others it is for the family that is left behind. I think in you situation you need to go for you nephew so you can be there and support him. One of best friend's lost her aunt this past year and we went to support her even though I didn't know her aunt very well.

    If the person that passes is someone I am close to then of course I go for the person and their family. If it is for someone I don't really know well, I will go for the family.

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:26 AM on Jan. 30, 2011