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My mother and my 5 year old?

My mom and I don't have a good relationship at all. I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my now 5 year old and my mom hated it and talked bad about me and the baby until he got here. Now every time he goes to stay the night with her and my dad he always comes back saying Nana said your not suppose to do this and that and so on and so on about stupid stuff like cereal or play time or tv time. Yesterday when I took him over there to stay the night I confronted her about it and she said he does the same to her and he's just playing us but when he ask for a drink and I told him ok but no soda they went in the house together and what did he come out with... a soda and he looked at me and said Nana said I could have it and smiled. I looked at her and asked her if she was sure he was playing us. I don't know what to do anymore!!!! The only time he goes over there now is when my dad ask and I love my dad and I know him and my son have a great relationship. What do I do? Do I just start saying no?

Answer Question

Asked by aheuszel at 10:08 AM on Jan. 30, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,855 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • U need to keep your son with u. Especially if your mom never apologized for all the things she said about u two during your pregnancy. Since your mom is not following the rules u set down for your son I would not continue the overnights!!

    Answer by dancer at 10:12 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I feel so bad for my Dad because he is a good man and he loves me and my son unconditionally. I think thats why I haven't stopped them already.

    Comment by aheuszel (original poster) at 10:14 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I would talk to your dad and ask him to try and reason with your mom. Maybe he can talk some sense into her that it's not right to undermine your authority. AND THEN lie to you about it to your face.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:25 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I would let DAD, only dad, take him out and stuff, but until your mom is ready to respect your authority as his mother, she shouldn't be around him.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:26 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Arent grandparents supposed to spoil the grandkids. I dont think one pop will hurt. It sounds like you need to wok on forgivness and get over your past. My mom was so mad and said messed up things when I was 18 and pregnant years and years later we now have a great relationship. As long as there isnt abuse or drugs or anything like that it would be wrong to keep your child away.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:27 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • IMHO, if your dad won't stop your mom from pulling this crap, then he is part of the problem. I'd stop the visits until you are sure this will not continue to happen. Your dad can come visit you and you can visit them with your son...but yeah, I'd definitely stop any visits of just him and his grandparents.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:27 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I disagree okmommy08....what grandma is doing is sending signals to an impressionable child that he does not have to listen to or respect his own mother. Sure, one pop probably hurts nothing...but where does it stop?

    Answer by DMac08 at 10:29 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • IMHO He is YOUR child, your rules or they don't need to be involved in his life. It doesn't matter about the past, you are an adult, let it go. But that has nothing to do with the here and now. My children do not get to go to my grandparents home because we have different morals, I don't want her teaching our children the things that she taught me. Grandparents are NOT there to spoil our children no matter what is said, they are there to help nurture and make the environment of family a tighter circle. You are supposed to have support, not someone who every time you turn around is going against your wishes. As for your dad, have him come to you to spend time with the little guy, I agree with allaboutkeeley, he is an enabler to your problems if he doesn't step in and tell her to stop. I wish you lots of luck, remember to stick to your guns, he's your child.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 10:37 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • sure grandparents are suppose to spoil their grandchildren but not to the point that the child learns if I dont get my way with mom I can just go to them and get my way. Thats a horrible way for a child to learn things. Its only going to cause issues now and in the future. If you mom cant keep her mouth shut about how she feels about you then you need to take a look at what is best for you son. I would not allow my son to learn those things. Its disrespectful and will only teach your son to go behind your back.

    Answer by Nienna7477 at 10:38 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Clearly this woman should not be alone with your child. You can't expect her to change.

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:13 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

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