Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Is it common to simply "send away" a child that is causing problems for you?

I have read a post today where the mom was given advice to simply "send the child to live with her ex." The child is acting out and hurting a younger sibling but I cannot see how sending the child away would be beneficial to the child.

In my own life I have a friend who did the same thing. Her son was hurting her daughter so she sent the daughter away for a couple years to live in another state.

I just can't foresee me sending away one of my kids because they are doing something negative. I would get them help and make sure they know they are a part of our family.

Thoughts?

Answer Question
 
Orionsgirl

Asked by Orionsgirl at 10:34 AM on Jan. 30, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 31 (48,442 Credits)
Answers (31)
  • Easy way out, I guess.

    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 10:37 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I have a few family members who have dont this, now their children are older and really dont care for the parent who sent the child away. I would never give up any one of my 5 children to anyone.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:37 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Every situation is different. I can't say that I would let a child who continued to hurt another one of my children in our home. However, that would be a last resort decision. You just don't wash your hands of the situation and say I'm done the first time it happens. But as a parent your responsibility is to keep all of your children safe, how can you do that if you have one that every time your back is turned is hurting another one of your children. All of this is MO, but sometimes it's better for the child who has problems to go to a parent or family member who is better equipped to deal with the situation, and doesn't have other children in the home.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 10:42 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Thoughts, sometimes they have already exhausted every other avenue of help. They've done therapy, etc. and yet the behavior continues. So, ask yourself the question......if ONE child is causing all the issues and you have exhausted every therapy avenue, etc, what WOULD you do??
    Sometimes, the only answer is to remove the child from the home, sometimes that IS the only way to be the best parent that you can be.
    Have I ever had to do this? NO. But I have supported my inlaws as they had to kick their youngest daughter out of the house for destructive behaviors.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:44 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Well, I don't think that should be the first option. It's much more rewarding for them to work through these obstacles rather than not deal with it. But if all attempts have been made, nothing is working, you never know. Everyone's situation is different and I would never judge someone too quickly if they chose to do so.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:48 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • So they should be allowed to treat the younger child like crap just because? Um no. If one of my children was putting a sibling in danger they would be gone. I wouldn't like it and I would be sad but, I am not going to allow one of my children to be injured.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:55 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • there was a kid in our school whos cousilor recommended to his single mom to send him to his dad out of state --- simply out - she couldnt handle him - her older two werent behavior problem children - and he was completely opposite. meanwhile he just did as his dad told him - it was healthier for him to be with dad - if he had no problems with dad - that kinda shows he is better off there. but for me - heck no i would never send my kid away - never .... but i only have one - i am married. i cannot even imagine how i would cope if i was divorsed and had to give him up every other weekend.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 10:55 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I agree with all of the above and those are in all fairness good ways to deal with abusive siblings. My son displays very destructive behavior almost daily and sometimes for hours. He obviously craves attention. I'd love to send HIM away to have constructive things to do and stay active and be involved within a group or a healthy environment to get him over and through this behavior. He craves attention all the time, or he will just mold into his ps3 for hours. He can't do a thing for himself! He picks on his sister terribly. I am looking into groups all the time. We have an event happening but months from now. Nothing is taking place except the usual weekend drive to a meeting place and some usual events. Even bingo would be nice to do.
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 10:58 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • You seem to be using an awfully broad definition of "problem" and "negative". There's a big difference between a child who steals their sister's Barbie and one who beats their sister. If you are forcing one child to live in an unsafe environment by forcing them to live with the other child, you could ultimately lose both of them. It is your responsibility to protect all of the children in your care, and if that means one of them has to be removed for their own safety and the safety of others, that's what you have to do.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 11:03 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • It's not an 'easy out' to think that it's the best decision to let your child go and live with the other parent. It's not about the Mom or the Dad and what they want.......it's about what's best for the child. Oh, it's easy enough to say that it's an 'easy out' or 'it's simple'......but if some one has never been in that position.....then, how would they even know?
    jucyfrut

    Answer by jucyfrut at 11:16 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN