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3 Bumps

How can I catch a break from my husband??

Let's just start out by saying he comes third right now - I do acknowledge that.

I have a 2 year old, a four month old and 2 weeks ago I went back to my really demanding job. I am also wanting to start up a diet. Yes, I am neglecting my husband, but I really need some time to adjust to all of this. I would rather him be mad at me, then neglect my children.

Last night he went out to the bar and came home and wanted to make out. He came home exactly 6 mins after the baby finally went to sleep an I was scooping some online TV and enjoying my first few minutes of quiet time in a long time. I said I wasn't in the mood, but it would be great if he cuddled on the couch with me or talked a little. I wasnt in the mood to fling my clothes off that second. So he got all mad and went to bed. I went to bed too and tried getting him to talk to me. It didn't happen. Now today (which is our agreed upon me-day, he gets Mondays) I told him I was trying to download a book and he asked if I was ever going to work on our marriage, and if I was ever going to read our marriage books.

He is important, but can't he realize I just need to take care as many things as I can right now and just be understanding? How can I make him understand he is important to me, and I need this time right now and I will make it up to him. It's not like he hasn't done it to me. I can't enjoy some much needed me time if I just feel like I'm disapointing him all the time. But I need to work on myself before I can be of any use to him. (put on your air mask first before helping your neighber) If I say the wrong thing, then he gets mad and won't listen to anything else. I just need a break!!! Help!


Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Jan. 30, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • Part of your answer is in your question. He approached you this am and asked you a question. Yes I understand its me time for you. But, you guys are going to have to reach a common ground here. Maybe some of your me time today could be spent talking with him since he put it out there first this am. Then tomorrow during his me time. maybe you guys could spend time doing something then. Im not saying every me day has to be sacrificed for the marriage. But, I am saying that the me time is when you guys are calm, concentrating, de-stressing a little from the kids. Maybe these two ME days can be covered by grandma or a close relative, just so you guys can talk. Good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • wow sounds like he is the you guys have a date night where you can discuss things regarding the realtionship? ME time is so important especially with a FT job and 2 LO...I feel your pain ( I work FT and have 3 kids) altho mine could care less about our realtionship.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • It's not just you adjusting to's him as well. You both are feeling the effects of a 4 month old, plus you going back to work....everything.
    You need to tell him exactly what you said in the second paragraph that you wrote. Lay it all out on the line. That's what marriages are for. But remember, while you want him to understand you and give you space, he has needs to. It's a give and take.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • We had a nice date night a few weeks ago where we had a state of the union, but it hasn't let up much.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:00 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Yes and that makes perfect sense. We don't have the luxury of babysitters, right now do to the 85 blizzards we've had this winter where we can make it to grandparents and they can't make it to us. I am so desperate I looked into Amtrack because I think they run in a blizzard! Our kids are sick too (which has made the week longer), so I don't want to take them to my one friend's house to infect her kids. I will take time for him, but how do I hold him over when I am so drained I have nothing left to give?? His days are the day he has off work, while I am at work and that kids are in daycare. I don't think he's being unresonable, but I want him to understand my side without thinking I don't love him. Spending time with him, btw, only means sex. It's not good enough for me just to hang out with him. I don't have sex with him while the kids are awake so I don't know what he was getting at this morning. I'm just feeling guilt!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:32 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Update: Both kids fell asleep at the same time this afternoon. I gave him sex. All is well again. :)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:39 PM on Jan. 30, 2011