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2 Bumps

Help me understand....

My SIL lives at home with my MIL/FIL and she has a son. She works full time and before he started school, he was in daycare.
I always hear about how they go sledding or do this and that with my nephew. I'm not jealous that my nephew gets to do all this fun stuff....I just wish they would do one on one things with my kids. My nephew is ALWAYS with them. My kids NEVER just have grandma/grandpa time ALONE or EVER for that matter. The only time they come over are for short little visits....for about an hour or so...and that's about once a month. If we ask them to babysit they usually say yes...but it's at our home and half the time they send my SIL to watch them.
Help me understand why they don't spend time with my kids?
I know my SIL is a single mom and they live with them.....but is that an excuse? My kids won't ever understand that...they'll just translate it to their grandparents not wanting to spend time with them. It's just sad.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Jan. 30, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • My cousin and I are the same exact age. When I was a kid, my grandmother babysit her while her parents worked full time. She was always there, got treats and got to do things that I didn't get.....but I never really thought about it. It wasn't until I overheard my mom telling someone how mad it made her that I even became aware. I didn't care, I always thought I was luckier because my mom was home with me, and I didn't have to be babysat, so in my child mind I actually had the better deal

    You can easily make this better. IF your kids notice the difference on their own, you can remind them that they are lucky enough that they live with both their father and their mother, in their own home, and their cousin doesn't have that. Odds are, you're more aware of it than they are.

    As parents, we see things and are hurt for our children. Just remember what your child DOES have. Hugs momma.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:38 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I feel ya hun. My parents watch my sister's kids (well one of them at least--she has 4)... every friday night. Basically, every Friday night one of my nephews is sleeping over at my mom and dad's house. They did it once with my daughter.. but have never offered to have a 'sleepover' with my son. Which irritates me a little bit.

    And.. well... I live about 15 minutes from them and they very very rarely pop in for a visit and that bothers me to no end. They invite everyone over to their house on the weekends... but I'd like to be able to spend time with my parents without my sister and her kids there...I'd like for my parents to have one on one time with MY kids.

    So I totally feel your pain, but I have no idea what to tell you to do about it. I'm sorry. :(
    Randomosity2

    Answer by Randomosity2 at 12:25 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Hey anon that is the same thing with us. I am not jealous and could care less if my inlaws see my kids. But how I feel is that it isn't fair for my children and what really bugs me is they favor one of my children over the other two and that buigs the hell out of me. What else bugs me is when my MIL complains that she never sees my kids but when we try to take them to see her she is "BUSY" so my husband tells her not to come around and then she crys and complains and its annoying and he doesn't give a shit and I am the one that has my ohone flooded with a crying women ....... Some people just are weird

    She lives 10 min away too
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • You can't change the living situation they have, it is what it is and that child is naturally going to get more of their time. Maybe they feel they need to expend more towards that grandchild because of his situation, I don't know. Is there a father involved with your nephew that he spends every other weekend with? Maybe your IL's feel like they need some no kid time by the time your nephew is gone, they just take advantage of that fact, and it comes across that they don't want to spend time with your kids.

    If it were me, the next time I heard a sledding story (for example), I would tell them, oh, jeepers, my kids would have LOVED to do that, next time you're going let me know and we can meet you over there.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 12:29 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • By the way, the live a 10 min drive from us in the same city.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:20 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • One thing you need to remember is this - your in-laws, like all other parents, will favor one kid over another. It is not done as if they mean to be hurtful, they just like one kid more. My parents favor my sister, who is a neglectful drunk, and her husband over myself and my family. I cannot comment on my neglectful sister without hearing how we should all get together because we are family. My hubby and I, although not perfect, lead good, respectable lives. We see my parents more often than my idiot sister, but we should be understanding of her and her plight. Makes me sick all around. She just got laid off from her job of 19 years (probably came into work drunk) and hence more of the pity bullsh#$.

    To make along story short, it won't matter how hard you try, they will always gravitate to one kid. It is nature, no matter how hard you fight it.
    cerealmom2

    Answer by cerealmom2 at 12:26 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Well, instead of asking us. Try asking them. What is the worst that could happen if you just came out and asked? Sometimes people don't know you feel the way you do because you never say anything. I think we all do it! Why not just tell them how you feel, and tell them specifically what it is you are wanting. If they choose to do the same after, then just leave it as it is. No use getting broke up about what we can't control.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:35 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • The one thing you can control is when you ask them to baby sit. You tell them you are asking them to. Not your SIL.
    I would just be up front and honest with them. Tell them how you feel.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:38 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I would just ask the Grandparents why and state all your concerns straight forward no beating around the bush ...
    me_love_cake

    Answer by me_love_cake at 12:40 PM on Jan. 30, 2011