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What can I do about my daughter's behavior??

My daughter is 11 years old and has Aspergers. She has been getting into a lot of trouble this past couple of weeks in school... just as she has every school year about this time.

She's been stealing things from classmates, lying to us, having general defiant behavior....

Not bringing homework home.... making racial remarks about other students. and I have no idea what to do with her.

We have tried--Grounding, Having her write out the word and definition for the infarction (ie: writing out the definition of racism), taking things away from her... and it doesn't phase her.. not one tiny iota.

And yes... I need to find her a therapist but the last one she had she manipulated.....she's very very good at that sort of thing.

And I simply just do not know what to do.


Asked by Randomosity2 at 12:33 PM on Jan. 30, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 10 (443 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • My two brothers have aspergers and the younger one had a simliar problem. My parents found a good therapist and some low dosage medication that eventually worked. It took a lot of trial and error, though. It isn't easy, and all I can say is to keep your chin up and know you aren't alone! Your darling daughter is still in there. She just needs some help in getting out. Good Luck!!

    Answer by derosia_mama at 12:03 PM on Feb. 1, 2011

  • Wow, no offense to the first lady, but none of that is accurate. You can't treat a special needs child, esp one with asperger's like a criminal. First of all, not sure what state you live in (things are sometimes termed differently) but you may want to ask her doctor for a referal to a "wrap around agency" or a mental health agency. I worked at one for 5 yrs before SAHM. There were different level therapists to work 1:1 with child daily. The bachelor's level works daily carrying out a treatment plan made by a Mobile Therapist or a Behavior Specialist Consultant. The treatment plan works on specific behavior and goals, as well as tracks those behaviors. They teach social skills, life skills, educational skills, coping skills....all behavioral. It's nothing like a educaitonal aid or tutor. The therapists also work with the family to help carry over treatment from school to home to community settings, so the same....

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 1:39 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • ....structure, rules, consequences, expectations are carried out across the board. Now, you also have to look at what her physical body is maybe starting to begin....puberty. Yes she is at a mental capacity of a 6 yr old but her body doesn't know that. And hormonal changes do crazy things in people.
    In the state I live in, PA, all of this is covered through medicare. Any child on autism spectrum can not be denied any of these treatments and will always be covered through this insurance. So if your families insurance plan isn't covering therapeutic measures, look into this.

    Hope I helped, good luck!!!

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 1:42 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • BTW, the majority of my clients over the years were autistic, and one was an asperger's female....very unique and challenging, so my heart goes out to you and your family.

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 1:44 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I don't know of any advice to give to you about your daughter, as I have concerns for mine as well, however, I have to say to auntied222, that your comments were not cool at all. What makes you think that her child is sexually active? There was no reference of anything about boys or her being interested in sex at all, and why the writing in all caps? It seems to me that you are yelling when there is no reason to.

    Randomosity2, I hope that you can find the help that you need for your daughter really soon, good luck.

    Answer by browneyes27 at 2:03 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • She isn't stealing from stores or anything, she's taking things from classmates that do not belong to her and claiming they are gifts....

    But... um... from where do you get the idea she is sexually active... she has the emotional maturity of a 6/7 year old.... and has no 'boy' friends.... the only friends she has are female friends.

    I think that what you are suggesting is a little extreme. She is under CONSTANT adult supervision... when she's at school she's around teachers and she never goes to sleepovers or 'out' with friends. So I know for a fact she isn't sexually active.

    Perhaps I should have specified that she is only stealing items from classmates (earrings, mascara, eye shadow, pens, used lip gloss).....and she attempts to pit the teachers against us or other adult relatives against us... but she isn't doing anything to the extreme where I feel getting the courts involved would be necessary.


    Comment by Randomosity2 (original poster) at 12:56 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Holy cow! PLEASE don't listen to that lady..LMAO...WOW just WOW!..I'd put my own advice but my head is still spinning from hers!

    Answer by lenoxclan at 1:07 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • First... her remark was basically "Black people stink" and she didn't even know the definition of the word racism. So part of her punishment was to write out the definition 20 times. Another part of her punishment for the comment was for her to apologize to the assistant principal for making the comment (since the assistant principal is black/African American--whichever you prefer)...

    I do not and did not condone her statement and she was lectured very sternly about saying a generalized statement and why it is inappropriate. IF your advice is based only on the racial remark and nothing more.... then it goes well beyond an extreme way of handling it.

    As I said above... she has the maturity level of a 6/7 year old... she has Aspergers and does not process things the same way you or I would. NOT excusing her behavior. But I am explaining why her behavior is difficult.

    Comment by Randomosity2 (original poster) at 1:22 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Thank you for the advice.. my kids don't qualify for medicare because the income coming in is too much (I am on full disability for PTSD/Depression and Migraines through both the VA and Social Security)....

    MY kids do have insurance through the VA (Champva)... but I am going to talk to my therapist and see if they have a therapist that can see her (it's a family therapy clinic)

    Comment by Randomosity2 (original poster) at 1:46 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Oh.. and I live in NC. :)

    Comment by Randomosity2 (original poster) at 1:47 PM on Jan. 30, 2011