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3 Bumps

Ex husband makes me feel guilty after 3+ years!

My ex husband has made zero improvement in life (possibly even got worse) and still expects me to "take care" of him. We have been divorces for 3 years and seperated for about 4. I just recently started putting my foot down about a lot of things that he needs to start taking responsibilty for. Things he should have take on a long time ago. He gets paid very little so I have been giving him half of his child support back since he finally started paying. I want that to stop too because he just doesn't deserve it! He isn't very nice when it comes down to this stuff. As much as I know I should stop helping him so much, I still feel guilt. It also take a toll on my new marriage. :o(

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HeatherDee83

Asked by HeatherDee83 at 12:37 PM on Jan. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (59 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Stop helping him PERIOD. It not your responsibility to help him. If he can't afford the child support he need to go back to court and prove it to the court.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:42 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Time to cut the cord. Don't let him drag you down, nor your new marriage.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 12:45 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • A clean break is always the best break is what I was taught. Youre divorced. That means his problems arent your problems anymore. Cut off the help and tell him you realize you should have done this long ago and are to blame for enabling this so long but it ends now. Then stick to it. Once he is forced to make improvements you will be surprised likely at how quickly he figures things out on his own to survive.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:51 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • wow, you are allowing him to control you, your money, your feelings and your new marriage. Is he worth it? He's laughing at you every time you give in to him. It's up to you to stop this nonsense. Show your new husband some respect and tell x "no more". Quit enabling the x. He can't make you feel anything....you are allowing it. Now stop it. You may feel bad for a minute but once you realize you are helping him and your new family you will feel better. This is good practice for when your kids get older and you have to be strong for them
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I agree with above. I'd also like to add, that once you start putting more effort, more energy into your current marriage, you won't have as much to put towards the lazy ex. Figure out what you need to do in order to stop the line of thinking that takes you to the place of guilt. And do that. When ever he starts talking about what ever he does that makes you feel guilty, hang up on him. Walk away from him. Make it stop. If you start thinking on your own, then start doing something that will take your mind off of it. And geez, stop giving him money back. It would be better to agree to a slightly smaller amount then to give half back. He doesn't deserve that money, your kids do. He's mucked up, not your kids. And even though your kids probably have a good life now, that's besides the point. He is still financially responsible. Hold him to it. This has got to be taking an emotional toll on you. Put a stop to it.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 1:02 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Why would you still be acting like his mother??? Cut the cord, he is NOT your responcibility. And do NOT give him a penny of the child support back
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 1:04 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • look sweetie you need to stop if you dont want to help him out anymore then you shouldnt have to that is not your problem anymore you need to worry about your new marriage & yourself but you shouldnt be forced to do anything you dont want to do goodluck mama
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 1:05 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • tell him go play in traffic
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • sit down and write a very polite letter about how you are done taking care of him and he needs to stand on his own two feet, that the child support is for the kids not you or him and that you will no longer be returning any of it to him....then when he has his hand out for the money hand over the letter and wish him the best in life....from that day forward do not talk to him about money and only converastions you need to be having are in regards to the children......STOP HELPING HIM ITS NOT YOUR JOB ANYMORE.....
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 1:46 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Look into Al-Anon. You are a true codependent and don't feel worthwhile unless you are taking care of someone. STOP giving back YOUR CHILDREN'S money to him. He's playing you now.
    ironkitten

    Answer by ironkitten at 2:06 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

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