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What would you do? Here's the situation.

My son sits near the window on the school bus. It's about a 45 min ride to school. He's small for his age, is ADHD/Aspbergers. This kid has been messing with him on the bus, which we did not know about. I get a call on Thursday afternoon, at the time when he should have been walking in the door. There was an altercation on the bus. This kid had hit him on the head with a marker, and my son yelled at him to stop (which is what we told him to do when someone was bullying him), the kid called him names, then marked on his face in a few spots. My son jerked his arm, I guess as if to hit the kid, and the kid punched my son in the nose. My son had a pencil in his hand, and 'stabbed' him in the forehead. I think that's where it was. Now, we are so NOT ok with that, although he did defend himself, which we didn't think he would do. So, both are suspended from school, but not the bus as they normally would do. The option to press charges was given, but both boys would have been charged, even if only one of us pressed them. What I want to know is this: what the hell am I supposed to teach my son to do in situations like this? He was cornered, and he was hit twice, had his face marked on in a few places. He yelled at the kid to stop, and that made things worse. What is he supposed to do? I know he should have told us the kid had been bothering him, but sometimes that makes things worse. I just don't know what to teach him at this point. Any advice? (Other then to NOT use anything as a weapon, we already talked to him about that)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Jan. 30, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (12)
  • Can you meet with the other shild's parents and the principal? That other child needs to learn that the world is full of individuals.
    ironkitten

    Answer by ironkitten at 3:30 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I would also meet with the child's parents & the principal together. The kids need to be counseled together with the school counselor.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 3:32 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • What i want to know is where was the bus driver at when the other kid was being mean? And as far as defending himself..maybe its time to put him in a karate class or some kind of defensive class? They will teach him self control and defense without a weapon. Its at least worth a try.
    mamatobe1989

    Answer by mamatobe1989 at 3:35 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I think your son would be a perfect candidate for a self defense course, like karate. I just think it would do him a world of good to be able to defend himself and have the confidence karate or one of the martial arts brings.

    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 3:40 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • WOW! what a tough situation. I think your son did everything RIGHT in this situation. I agree with some of the other posters here and will add my voice to the "meet with the principle and other kid's parents" idea. And I DO also agree that physical aggressiveness is not ok, but there also has to be that line between being a "wussy/sissy" and protecting oneself.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 3:49 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I agree put him a self defense class so he will have the upper hand against bullies , my grandpa one time that a bunch of girls were mean to me (my cousins) gave me a stick and told me if you wont do something about it you will get your butt whipped I used the stick and beat the cr*&p out of them. That is the worst advice ever but at least they stop messing with me that was back then now I know that is NOT OK but if the school did not do anything until the fight sparked you should ask why there was no reports about what happened on the school bus regarding bulling and meet with the principal and the other parents even when its not ok use a pencil to stab someone and now your kid knows that you should feel a little bit better that at least he is able to stand up for himself.
    gou18

    Answer by gou18 at 3:51 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • My son also had problems on the bus. Every school bus has a hidden camera. Talk to the principal and have the video pulled. It should show that your son was in the right. They eventually gave all the kids assigned seats on the bus and separated the troublemakers.
    robinkane

    Answer by robinkane at 3:55 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • How did this even happen on the bus? Where was the bus driver or do they have any help/aids? It is absolutely ridiculous that this got that out of control. Your son had every right to defend himself or atleast try. Someone had to witness what happened, and that is where i would start. Then I would talk to the principal. Your child should feel safe, and should not have to go through this. I would also want to talk to the parent's of the other child involved. I hope things get better. Oh, one more suggestion find out if this other child has any other incidents other then what happened with your child.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 4:12 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • We did all sit and talk; me, the kids mom, and the assistant principal. She actually brought up something my son supposedly does in PE, saying he throws rocks, and both her boys can say they witness it. But my son says he doesn't, and that he doesn't see the one that hit him at PE. Well, IDK what the hell that has to do with this anyway. I didn't say that cause things would have gone way down hill, and the MP's may have been called. But, I have attended a meeting before about bus problems, and the 'excuse' has been they can't afford a bus assistant. IDK if they have cameras, and, both boys had the same story.
    We are thinking about getting him into a martial arts class. I would have to sit in a few of them to watch and see which one teaches discipline first, then the martial arts part. I don't want him thinking it will teach him to fight, so he can then do the bullying. This is very stressful, hubby deploys in a few months.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:29 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • And I know I will then have to deal with this stuff on my own :(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:29 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

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