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Need advice with adult step son.....please!

My 18 yo step son falsely accused me a sleeping around on my husband in order to manipulate a situation. It caused a big problem in my marriage cuz my husband didn't know what to believe even though it wasn't true. Now after closely examining my life, my husband seems satisified that I have been true. My step son refuses to come near me &won't return my calls &if he answers he hangs up on me. He doesn't live at home anymore by his own choice. I'm extremely hurt that he would do this to me and that my husband believed it might be true, even if only for a short time. My husband thinks I should try to make ammends with my step son because he's a teenager &that's just how they are. I say he's a brat that knew exactly what he was doing and I don't plan on speaking to him again until he gives me a genuine apology. My husband says that may never happens so I just need to be the bigger of the two and forgive. Help!

 
pinkink

Asked by pinkink at 1:23 AM on Nov. 15, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (6)
  • Wow... I say the 18 year old is an adult, knew what he was doing.. You are right, he owes you an apology and you have no need to pursue the matter further. Let it drop, you ignore him and move on. You don't have to like him. I just wouldn't make a motion to invite him over from now on.
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 1:28 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • While an 18-year old is legally an adult in most states, he cannot be expected to behave as maturely as say a 40-year old. If he lied, that was wrong, but his lying is no more wrong than your turning your back on him. It might help you to remember that inside everyone lives a little child, even if the person is 80 years old. I imagine that the little child in him probably sees you as somehow trying to replace the woman who is his real mother. It may not be true, but in his heart, that's how he feels. It would be an act of love to your husband and the boy to choose to forgive him and put this in the past. You can at least be polite if you are in his presence and your husband will appreciate your attitude. He's already told you what he things you should do.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:39 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I agree with Nanny B you never know why he lied, maybe for attention? He obviously feels threatened and insecure for some reason, cut him a break, give it some time. 18 is not a fun age, just let him be for a while I am guessing he will apologize when he gets older.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I actually do know exactly why he lied. It's multilayered and too much info to write down, but suffice it to say, it wasn't for the attention, it was self serving and manipulative. In addition to that he is telling people we know and family that I slept around on my husband. That is currently going on right now (months after the initial accusation). I have tryed calling him to talk, I've tried ignoring the situation, it continues. In the mean time family members are questioning my fedility to my husband. It's hard to forgive him while the knife is still in my back.
    pinkink

    Answer by pinkink at 10:45 AM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • This is where your husband has to step in and "man up" on your side. He has to tell everyone that he believes in YOU, and prove it by also telling and showing his son that he will not tolerate his treating you this way and this intrusion into his business. You need to ignore it right now, and let your husband handle it. Sounds like you have done what your husband asked, you tried to call and make amends. The selfish son is having none of it, so let it be. In time, others will come to see the truth and know who is in the right and why.
    pagan_mama

    Answer by pagan_mama at 10:17 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • Wow, what a jerk. You just need to let it go. If you worry about it you will stress yourself to death. It's not your fault, sounds like he is needing to grow up. He may someday feel differently and he may never care but you should not make yourself suffer for it.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 4:07 PM on Nov. 16, 2008

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