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Keep my mouth shut or keep it real?

My mom is one of the kindest people I know. Although when it comes to me she can be very negative. She has been doing it all my life, even as a child. Not only with me, she's like that with my children. Especially if were not doing what she wants. ( I know like a child ). I really didn't think she even knew she was like that, until one day I brought it to her attention. I was very careful with the words I used, I did not want to hurt her feelings. I can be a little tough and very direct. After I told her being negative, she didn't speak to me for about 2-weeks. She has retired and she getting up in age almost 70, I told my children as long as she doesn't get 'to-far-gone', with some of the things she says then let it roll off. But to be honest. It gets on all of our nerves.

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sunie101

Asked by sunie101 at 10:20 PM on Jan. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (39 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • My grandmother once told me (I was nine and my eight year old sister had just passed) she wish I was dead and my sister was alive cause she deserved to be here instead of me. I at the time didn't understand she was grieving but as I got older I understood it. She said some really bad things to me growing up (she did the same to my mother) but I didn't hold it against her. I forgave her and moved on with my life. (I was able to apologize to her for the pain I caused her and told her that I forgave her and she as well before she passed) You'd think my mother suffered the effects long enough to know the hurt from it, not! My mother treats me the same way. She has eleven kids (I'm her oldest) and she treats me like shit. You just have to forgive and move on. I've told my mother in a very nice way and a very nasty way (yes I apologized) how she has treated me and she remained the same. Don't waste your breath. They wont change.
    prissysayshi

    Answer by prissysayshi at 10:47 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Everyone can change - but to be perfectly honest, and to keep it real.... You want your mom to accept you the way you are, we all do, but you aren't being very accepting of her. If she spent 2 weeks not talking to you, was she mad or was she trying hard to not say anything that would upset you (and afraid that everything, or anything, she said was going to upset you).
    The average life expectancy for American women is like 80/81...do you feel like it's fair to have waited this long to tell her that you disapprove of everything she says to you?
    She is the way she is, and probably for a reason. A person can't just go from being a pessimist to an optimist just like that. So I have to ask you, which would you rather have, an honest mom, or a fake one? I think it's your turn to just accept her the way she is. And if it really bothers you that badly, then get some counseling for the two of you and be part of the solution for her.
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 11:17 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • The best thing to do is to forgive and once you do. Start saying nice things about your mom. Like how amazing she is, how precious she is. You will be suprised how people change when you speak life words !
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 12:18 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • I do feel for you...I would let it roll off my back, but I wouldn't let her talk that way to my kids....and I would let her know that.....Another thing I would do is leave the room every time she starts talking mean....
    Anna92464

    Answer by Anna92464 at 12:26 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • Sounds like my mom. I love her to death but sometimes she can be absolutely cold. For years I thought it was just me she was this way with until I heard her and my youngest sister arguing a few months ago. She was never nice to my two younger when they were growing up. I just learned to overlook her. I never thought anything I did was ever good enough for her. Believe it or not because I refused to bow down to her, she and I are best friends now. She's 83 and I just turned 51 earlier this month. She discovered that although I would never disrespect her in any way, I also won't take any crap off her of her either.
    debnich501960

    Answer by debnich501960 at 11:46 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

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