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Why do people have kids...when they don't even like children? adult content

I have a friend...who is my opinion is not a very good mother. Okay, so yeah, I lose my temper at times and am working to be more patient with my kids. But for the most part, I try and speak gently and lovingly and we have fun time together and I tell them I love them everyday. This person and I were on the phone recently as she was on her way home from work (note: didn't realize she was driving or I would have hung up the phone...I hate cell phone drivers...but that is another post entirely). She had been working at least eight hours... and she gets in her front door and I hear the sweetest voice yell "MOMMY!!!"

"AWW," I thought. "How cute...that must feel good to get such a nice welcome."

Then the next thing I hear is. "Get off me child! God! I can't even get in the door before you're hanging all over me! Ugh! Damn! Go in your room!"

Umm...okay. I wanted to cuss her out so very badly, but I think I just told her to chill out and that her daughter sure sounded sweet. She didn't seem to detect my underlying disgust.

I noticed a pattern after that. I would comment on her child's cuteness...and she would tell me how bratty she was. I would compliment on a photo of her little boy... she would report that he was too much of a little jerk. NOT ONCE has she said something nice about either of them. She can't even just say "thanks" when I say they are cute. Always a negative.

I'm not sure anything she has done would be CPS worthy... they wouldn't do anything just because she's generally unpleasant. But I feel so badly for her kids. And they were both planned! Why have kids when you, apparently, do not like children? Would you say anything, nicely, encouraging her to ya know... be nice to them...keep your mouth shut...kidnap them and move to Tulsa? (kidding on that last one)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Jan. 30, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • Sadly, lots of people have kids and aren't prepared for the work, stress, cost, and on and on. They just cannot deal with little kids. I do find it sad she's got nothing pleasant to say about them but it sounds like emotional abuse to me, frankly. I'd sit her down and tell her you're concerned and that you've not one time, noticed any kindness toward her children. Then ask if she needs help and offer to babysit or suggest she get a sitter. But I'd say something knowing you risk losing the friendship. It's worth it for the sake of the kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I don't like kids, never thought I would have any. I am the oldest of 4 and was just plain sick of children when I got married and moved out of my parents house! But my husband told me he wanted kids and he told me he wanted to have them early in life, so we decided together to have a child. I love my son to death, but really don't think I will have another. I don't think I could handle 2, lol. I still don't like other peoples kids for the most part, ha, just mine :D
    ILoveCade

    Answer by ILoveCade at 11:27 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Well if her kids are "bratty" they are probably reacting to her. If she is ill so are they. She may just be depressed. I hate to say it, but I was that was at first. It haunts me everyday, but I was in a sever depression.  I even ended up being hospitalized for a few days to regulate the anti-depresants they had me on.  I finally took myself off of them and started doing self soothing techniques.  Anyway she may just be in a rut and feel like her life is going no where.  I'm sure she loves her kids she just may not like herself right now. 

    luvmygrlz

    Answer by luvmygrlz at 11:31 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • It is because women are looked down upon for not having children. It is expected of us. I think that more people should encourage their children to not have kids. It should be a very thought out thing presented to our young people as an option...not something you should do eventually. If I knew then what I knew now...I would not of had children.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 11:32 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • I wasn't a huge fan of kids until I got married and started visiting my mom's daycare...and grew attached to some of my hubby's nieces and nephews. The thing with the friend...is she claims up and down that she loves her kids...blah blah blah...but never once have I seen even the slightest bit of love toward them. She's not always downright nasty like she was that day...but she's never very...motherly. She did have a tubal after her second...best parenting decision she has made thus far. Before she died, her mother in law had the kids pretty much all the time...and at that point...NEITHER OF THEM WORKED. That really kills me... they just sat at home while his mom had the kids. Sometimes I wonder if I offered to adopt them...if she'd just hand them over. She really doesn't seem to like them. Sometimes I think if I had the space, I really would offer. lol.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:32 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • That is an interesting point... I love having my kids...and my mom never pushed it on me...but I can see how many many women probably DO feel that way. I don't necessarily think that is HER reasoning...she had her kids right out of high school with no job for either of them. Her mom kicked her out and his parents supported them from the time they got together until she passed away. Now they are living in her inherited house. After the first kid, they get pregnant AGAIN on purpose and do not understand why this lady, who is paying their bills, doesn't want another grandbaby yet. She had them most of the time...and when you talk to this girl... she tries to act like she's this great mom...but then around her actual children...she seems to wish they'd go away. It's hard to explain, very long story...but her children are going to have issues. Maybe I should call someone...although I doubt they'd do anything.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:36 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Some people just like to comp[lain it doesn't mean she doesn't love her kids. My aunt was like that but she loves her kids very much but she cmplains about every thing.
    peace013

    Answer by peace013 at 11:38 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Recently I was in the er and there was a mother and child.. the child was hurt and crying the mother was on her cell phone the only time she stopped talking was to tell her child to stop crying it isn't that bad suck it up. I told the child don't worry honey I'm sure your mother loves you she just doesn't know how to show it. I got so upset the baby was ill and the mother just didn't care enough to get off her phone the child crying in pain was too much of an inconvience for the mom on the phone.
    Punkslilncs

    Answer by Punkslilncs at 11:44 PM on Jan. 30, 2011

  • Awwww. That poor kid! People push my buttons!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:00 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

  • when those kids grow up, she'll be having the giult. Kids will resent her. She's gonna burn her bridges down with both kids. She is dooming relationships with them. She just needs slapped!
    diamondsarecool

    Answer by diamondsarecool at 9:28 AM on Jan. 31, 2011

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